Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Holiday Goldfish Crackers

I love Goldfish crackers. I think the classic cheddar fishes are a practically perfect food.

Of course, there are special holiday Goldfish varieties; we'll look at the four I was able to find today.

Let's start simple:

Standard Cheddar, but holiday shapes. 

Here's the back of the bag, with a game to play with Finn (the cheddar goldfish) and Gilbert (the pretzel). 


Gilbert didn't have his own holiday product, so he's playing second fiddle here.

Here are the crackers. Not that exciting, really.


They taste basically like normal Goldfish, if a little less fluffy because of the flattened special shapes.

Next up:


Holiday Graham Goldfish, in exciting Holiday Vanilla Cupcake and Hot Cocoa.


The back of both bags is the same. You might not be able to tell, but that's a lady graham goldfish named Coral that looks almost the same as the pretzel, but is not the pretzel acting as Finn's lackey on these.

Once again, you can play a fun game with the goldfish. Here, they need help finding toys to fill the sleigh. HINT: They are not actually hidden: they're just... sitting there on the goddamn package.

One more point about these bags: despite the happy little "Reseal Here" sticker, these are not resealable. The packaging material tears so easily that we just dumped the bags into a big ziploc for storage.


You can tell these are HOLIDAY cupcake flavored because of the tiny red-and-green sugar sprinkles. They actually were pretty good, although they just tasted like butter cookies or any other generic butter and sugar cookie-like dessert. Still, no harm in that.


These were tasty enough, although I'm really unsure of the point of adding tiny marbits in with the chocolate just for the hot cocoa theme. They don't taste like much. The fish tasted basically like chocolate graham crackers. No surprise there; they were pretty tasty.

Okay, at this point you might not be impressed. But Lindsay, you say, this is Mainlining Christmas. What's with just eating some okay holiday-themed crackers?

To that I say, Wait for it....


Fun Holiday Colors.


You'll note this is the same exact "game" as on the grahams, except Gilbert is back, even saying the same line as Coral - now vanished as though she had never supplanted his place as second in command to the leader of the Goldfish.


These look.... utterly disgusting. I think they look better in the photo than in real life. They are not cheery bright colors. They are old eggplant and slime. 

They taste odd, to me: either burnt or something...? I tried closing my eyes, thinking that it might just be the result of expecting something that looks so utterly unlike a Goldfish to taste different. 

That didn't seem to help.

The package claims that the colors are from natural ingredients.  This worries me. This worries me because it means that the weird aftertaste might not be my imagination.

There might be something there to taste.


Something... Christmas.

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