Mainlining Christmas

I really want to force a bunch of Hallmark executives to sit down and watch Jingle Bell Heist. Conceptually, the movie is built on a similar framework to the one used in last year's The Christmas Quest  (both also feature a Notorious-style kiss), but this delivers what Hallmark's attempt lacked: a bit of actual payoff in the genre department. Before you read this as too complimentary, I'll add that this is also within the ballpark of what Hallmark could achieve. It's a solid little Christmas romantic comedy with a significant number of heist elements, but I don't expect it to land on anyone's top 10 lists in either genre. Still, it's a good pick for anyone looking for a holiday romance delivering the warmth of Hallmark that doesn't need to adhere to every regulation regarding sex and language. So basically a lighthearted, PG-equivalent romantic holiday adventure. This was directed by Michael Fimognari, who's main claim to fame is frequently serving a...

Okay, here's the disclaimer: I watched the version of The Christmas Martian that was readily available to me on streaming, which was a mangled, outdated US release. In addition to being badly dubbed, this version features scenes with what appear to be jaw-droppingly bad exposure, washing out entire sequences to the point they're barely discernable. There is now a better option - the movie has been remastered and released on blu-ray through Vinegar Syndrome, and if you're planning to watch this... Actually, why exactly are you determined to watch this? I don't mean that in a snide way way. Literally, what is inspiring you to track down this micro-budgeted, presumably drug-fueled children's movie (or maybe special) from Canada? Because if this is something you remember from your childhood or want to see for academic reasons or anything of the sort, by all means spend the money to get the good version - because it absolutely  matters. But if you're looking for some...

This is a low-budget live-action kid's Christmas movie released a couple years ago to very little fanfare. As is often the case with things like this, how good or bad it is largely boils down to deciding what you're comparing it against, as well as what it's trying to accomplish. There's essentially no information about the production online (or at least none I was able to locate), so what little context I have derives from what's on screen, both during the movie and in the credits. We figured out it was filmed in Italy early on, thanks to a sign written in Italian in the background of a shot. The movie's location is one of its stronger assets - the filmmakers had access to impressive mountainous regions, as well as medieval looking buildings and streets, though I suspect some were filmed at some sort of theme park or Renaissance Fair. That aesthetic extends to the costumes and relevant props, as well - anything that looks like you'd see it worn by professio...

The third Niko film is the best to date, at least as far as the writing is concerned. The eagles in the second movie basically filled the same role as the wolves in the first , which made it feel somewhat recycled. This time, the primary antagonists are a rival group of reindeer with an axe to grind against Niko's father and Santa's Flying Forces, which makes for a more compelling arc, particularly because the series has always made it clear there are good reasons to hate those guys. It also plays with its genre references in more interesting ways, adding in elements of sports movies into the mix. That's hardly new to animated media about reindeer, but this time it means the story's destination isn't quite as obvious from the start. That's the good news. The bad is the animation feels like a slight step backward. I'm sure it's technically more impressive than the last movie (they had more than a decade of technological advances, after all), but whatever...

Okay, that wasn't half bad. Actually... hold on. Let me double-check my math. Actually, I take it back: this was exactly half bad. But that does mean it was half good, which is a hell of a lot better than the first installment . The improvements are mainly in the animation, which received a substantial upgrade, likely due to the first being fairly successful. This wasn't giving Disney or Dreamworks a run for their money, but to my eye it looks about on par with most of what Blue Sky was putting out around that time. Given this was probably made for a tiny fraction of the money US studios have, that's pretty impressive. The characters interact better with their environments (though the lighting still looks off at times), and - more importantly - the action sequences are kinetic and engaging, both in how they're storyboarded and brought to life. This was a huge issue with the first movie, so I was happy to see the course correction. Unfortunately the writing didn't im...

I feel like I have to start this review by saying I don't know anything about the Jonas Brothers, and I don't think I could name a single one of their songs. I'm not stating that up front to be negative or confrontational: I just don't want anyone thinking that my recommendation for this is in any way connected to me being a fan or something - I'm not. It's just... this is a good movie. I didn't expect that. Hell, I didn't expect it to be good or for it to be a real movie. And yet it's both: a musical comedy that emphasizes the comedy, to the point it borders on parody but stops just short of crossing over the line into farce. It walks right up to that line, though, allowing the title characters to play comically exaggerated versions of themselves who are the butt of the movie's jokes but avoid faltering into unlikability. In that respect, the movie's a choreographed balancing act that could have - and by rights probably should have - gone ho...

I'd never seen this before, but the art in the opening credits really took me back to 1998. I was just starting college and I had a new computer (an Aptiva), which included a number of programs. I didn't have Office (that would have cost extra), but I had a suite of knockoffs, including a rudimentary paint program. I mention this because the art in the movie is about on par with what I could have whipped up at the time. That sets a pretty good expectation for the rest of the movie, which has the feel of a made-for-TV production that probably wasn't quite polished enough to actually air on television. Or maybe it did. Honestly, I don't know where this did or didn't air or screen, if it went direct-to-video, or what. I don't know much of anything about "The Boy Who Saved Christmas" that wasn't in the movie itself, because there doesn't seem to be much information available - no Wikipedia page, a relatively barebones IMDB entry , and no readily av...

In terms of holiday credentials, "Catch Me if You Can" is appropriately evasive. In a real sense, it both is and is not a Christmas movie: it leverages the holidays in interesting ways and returns to them throughout the movie, but the holidays don't shape the the tone, narrative, or theme the way they might in a romantic comedy or drama with a similar structure. They're a supporting player here and they clearly serve a purpose, but they're not the core of the movie, nor do they occupy the bulk of its runtime. But we'll get to that. First, this is based on the (allegedly) true story of Frank Abagnale, Jr., a conman and forger who wrote a popular (and suspect) autobiography about his life. But true or not, it makes for a gripping, funny, engaging adventure in the hands of one of the best directors of all time. Apparently 1941 didn't sour Steven Spielberg on Christmas forever, so here we are. The movie is driven forward by the various cons and tricks Frank (...

I've previously mentioned Jurassic World as a movie that challenges (some might say "breaks") my primary litmus test for a Christmas movie : that any movie clearly and unambiguously set at Christmas must be considered as part of the canon. At the time, I brought it up to acknowledge the existence of counter-examples, and I had no intention of ever discussing it in further depth. But as the focus of this blog has expanded, I've come to believe there may be value in a closer examination of movies both on the line and - as I think is the case here - just on the other side of that line. To be clear, my opinion of whether this counts as a Christmas movie hasn't changed on rewatch. While a handful of elements early in the film establish the events are set near the holidays (I'll be more specific in a moment), their use is fleeting, trivial, and somewhat contradictory. It's a detail that seems to be present for tonal and character beats that I can only assume mad...

Even the title of this animated movie is difficult to unravel. This was a Finnish production, but it was animated in English before being released with several different titles, including at least two English titles depending on which country you were in. "The Flight Before Christmas" is the title for the US release, the far superior "Niko & The Way to the Stars" is the title in other English-speaking markets, and "Niko – Lentäjän poika" (which translates to something like, "Niko: Flier's Son") is the Finnish title. And, as far as I can tell, none of these are any more or less official than the others. Despite a strong preference for "The Way of the Stars," I'm going with the US title, since that's how this is primarily listed in the US. Adding complications, there are a few different versions of this floating around, because at some point this was also cut down to 45 minutes and shown on TV. For better or worse, we watc...

I haven't seen nearly enough yakuza films from any era - let alone the early '60s - to weigh in personally on how abnormal "Detective Bureau 2-3: Go to Hell Bastards!" is, but the blurb on Criterion implies it deviates from director Seijun Suzuki's other productions by leaning further into a whimsical, silly tone and style. Regardless of context, American audiences going in with existing expectations based on the subject matter are likely going to be surprised to find what's ultimately a pretty ridiculous film with bright colors, over-the-top characters, and a meandering storyline. This reminded me more of early Bond movies than of anything else I've seen out of Japan, though - again - I'm not at all an expert on Japanese cinema. Still, I suspect it's not entirely coincidental that Dr. No came out just a year beforehand. That said, this has a far sillier tone than any Bond installment until Diamonds Are Forever, so I suspect most of the similaritie...