Mainlining Christmas

I really want to force a bunch of Hallmark executives to sit down and watch Jingle Bell Heist. Conceptually, the movie is built on a similar framework to the one used in last year's The Christmas Quest  (both also feature a Notorious-style kiss), but this delivers what Hallmark's attempt lacked: a bit of actual payoff in the genre department. Before you read this as too complimentary, I'll add that this is also within the ballpark of what Hallmark could achieve. It's a solid little Christmas romantic comedy with a significant number of heist elements, but I don't expect it to land on anyone's top 10 lists in either genre. Still, it's a good pick for anyone looking for a holiday romance delivering the warmth of Hallmark that doesn't need to adhere to every regulation regarding sex and language. So basically a lighthearted, PG-equivalent romantic holiday adventure. This was directed by Michael Fimognari, who's main claim to fame is frequently serving a...

There's virtually no information about this on its Wikipedia page, but between the fact this came out in 2022, the isolated setting, and the cast almost entirely consisting of three characters, it seems like a safe bet this was produced and filmed during the Covid lockdowns. It was ultimately released by Shudder, where it received a tepid response from viewers and critics. I can't help but suspect some of that reaction may have been due to exhaustion with minimalist productions at the time - for a few years there, it felt like everything  was made with a couple actors and a skeleton crew to comply with restrictions on crowds. In addition, horror fans tend to react poorly to non-horror movies marketed in that genre, and The Apology is ultimately more a psychological thriller. That's my guess for why this didn't get a better response at the time, because I thought this was quite good as a suspenseful character drama. Just be warned it goes to some dark places... though it...

This has been my on my list for years, but I kept tabling it in favor of movies that were better regarded or where the holiday connections were (based on the synopses) less dubious. I didn't doubt there'd be Christmas elements in Fitzwilly, but in my experience movies made prior to the '80s where Christmas doesn't feature heavily in the description are often edge cases. This one... no, this is very much a Christmas movie. Unambiguously, unquestionably Christmas. Also, I'm going to deviate from the consensus and say, in my opinion, it's a very good Christmas movie. I'm honestly a little surprised to find this is widely considered somewhat of a middling film. I'm not seeing much online concerning its release, and only a handful of critics seem to have considered it worth reviewing it retroactively. Reviews I skimmed on Letterboxd tend to lean towards "underwhelming," though several acknowledge it was fun. While I can understand where its detracto...

I spent a significant amount of 'R Xmas's runtime trying to unravel what this was supposed to be. There's nothing inherently wrong with a movie refusing to adhere to the conventions of any one genre, but it's the kind of gamble that either pays off or falls flat. This one didn't pay off. Instead of building on various tropes to construct a film greater than the sum of its parts, this wound up landing in a sort of empty void between genres: not suspenseful enough to work as thriller, lacking characters interesting enough to function as a crime story or gangster flick, no real mystery coalescing around the bizarre events until we receive a logical if unsatisfying explanation... it's bizarre. In the end, this winds up feeling more like an odd drama masquerading as the genres above, and the drama here just isn't all that compelling. The movie tries to make a point about crime and government policy, but there wasn't much substance to what it was saying then a...

I need you to understand, before I type another word, that this movie is not normal. That's not intended to imply that this is good or bad - it's my opinion Holiday in Handcuffs exists outside of such a simplistic dynamic. Likewise, I'm not going to retreat to "so bad it's good," as I don't think that's an accurate description of the movie. I submit this movie is, instead, best described as "fucking bizarre." First some background, at least to the limited degree background information is at all available. The movie was produced by "ABC Family," which was something of a competitor for Hallmark in the TV Christmas movie field during the first decade of the millennium, before Hallmark reached a point where calling other entities "competitors" is something of a misnomer. ABC Family tended to be a bit more PG than Hallmark - really, the movies I've seen from them are closer to what Netflix and other streamers are now puttin...

I probably don't need to tell you what Poker Face is, but in the unlikely case someone finds this review in a couple decades, here goes: this series, created by Rian Johnson and starring Natasha Lyonne, is a throwback to episodic mystery-of-the-week detective shows in the vein of Columbo or Murder She Wrote, combined with a healthy mix of related genre tropes drawn from movies. The gimmick here is that Lyonne's character, Charlie, isn't a detective, nor does she have any professional expertise or background connected to the subject matter. Instead, she has a virtually superhuman ability to detect lies. The show is, in no particular order, bizarre, funny, and absolutely fantastic.  Consider that a recommendation for the series as a whole. This is good stuff, and if you're not already watching... actually, scratch that: you're probably already watching this. So... keep doing that, I guess. With that covered, let's talk about "One Last Job," a rare entry ...

In the revised edition of "Christmas in the Movies," Jeremy Arnold includes a short chapter devoted to the phenomenon of classic noir set during the holidays. In it, he argues intrinsic aspects of noir prevent these from ever being true holiday movies. I couldn't disagree more with that conclusion, but I'm grateful for the chapter, as it's helped lead me to a number of movies not typically listed as Christmas media. The Reckless Moment, a 1949 film directed by Max Ophüls and starring Joan Bennett and James Mason, certainly isn't my favorite of the lot, but I'm still glad I watched it. My understanding is this is fairly well regarded - I'm guessing that's mainly due to a combination of the movie's point-of-view and the quality of the lead performances (Mason is particularly good here). But while I appreciate the movie's merits, I can't echo its fans. I found the bulk of the film a bit too grounded to be interesting, and its more dramatic...

Along with Netflix's Carry-On , Apple TV's Wolfs was a breakout hit last Christmas, to the limited extent the term can be applied to streaming movies. Getting a lot of views doesn't necessarily translate to a significant number of new or retained subscriptions: we know these were seen by a lot people, but it's an open question whether that means anything. This one had a great deal of potential, between reuniting Brad Pitt and George Clooney and coming from writer/director Jon Watts, who overdelivered on both his live-action Spider-Man trilogy and Star Wars Skeleton Crew. He's not necessarily the most exciting name in the industry, but he's been on a strong enough run recently that the prospect of him making a slick, funny holiday comedy/noir in the vein of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was intriguing. But while the movie isn't at all awful, Watts doesn't recreate enough of Shane Black’s proficiency in the genre to make this memorable or special. It's a little ...

In terms of holiday credentials, "Catch Me if You Can" is appropriately evasive. In a real sense, it both is and is not a Christmas movie: it leverages the holidays in interesting ways and returns to them throughout the movie, but the holidays don't shape the the tone, narrative, or theme the way they might in a romantic comedy or drama with a similar structure. They're a supporting player here and they clearly serve a purpose, but they're not the core of the movie, nor do they occupy the bulk of its runtime. But we'll get to that. First, this is based on the (allegedly) true story of Frank Abagnale, Jr., a conman and forger who wrote a popular (and suspect) autobiography about his life. But true or not, it makes for a gripping, funny, engaging adventure in the hands of one of the best directors of all time. Apparently 1941 didn't sour Steven Spielberg on Christmas forever, so here we are. The movie is driven forward by the various cons and tricks Frank (...

I see John Waters's 1974 film on lists of Christmas movies fairly often, though I'd hesitate to categorize it as such myself. The movie features an extended opening set during the holidays, but at 13 minutes, it's a small portion of the overall runtime. I still wanted to say a few things here, since the movie's Christmas sequence is both memorable and used innovatively. More on that in a moment. First, I should say a few things about the movie, or at the very least attempt to do so. Female Trouble is, by design, a weird, off-putting, offensive movie. Waters gravitates towards taboo subjects, finding humor in grotesque imagery. I believe this is the first NC-17 movie we've written about on this site, and the movie earns its rating. None of that is meant to be presented in either a positive or negative light: frankly, I'm not at all sure how to formulate an opinion on this as a film. I found quite a bit of it funny, though I was just as often repulsed by what was ...

Alias Boston Blackie is the third installment of a fourteen film series (plus a radio show spin-off) based on a character serialized for magazines who'd previously been adapted into silent films prior to Columbia Pictures's relaunch in the '40s starring Chester Morris. Kind of makes you wonder how long it's going to take for the name, "James Bond," to elicit the same blank stare "Boston Blackie" does now. Or maybe you're better versed in early 20th century crime fiction than I am. Blackie started out a character in crime fiction, assuming Wikipedia can be trusted (I sure as hell don't have the time to track down and read a bunch of 100 year old stories to confirm that). By the time he made his way to Columbia, the character had been reformed, presumably to keep him on the good side of the Hays Code, which was pretty strict about active criminals being punished for their deeds before the end credits rolled. Put a pin in this, though - I was pl...

Bordering on self-parody to the point I'm not entirely certain what was and wasn't intentional, "I, the Jury" might be the most Christmas noir movie I've come across to date. From start to end, this wants you to know it's set during the holidays. As for noir, it encapsulates the style, tone, and tropes of the quasi-genre to the point of absurdity. The movie lacks subtlety to the point it honestly feels closer to the sort of parody or homage you'd see in a TV sitcom dream sequence about a cynical private eye surrounded (and I do mean surrounded ) by femme fatales. None of that is inherently good or bad, depending on what you're in the mood for. More accurately, it's not enjoyable or unenjoyable: the writing, acting, and directing is all pretty bad here (though the cinematography and set design is quite good). If cheesy noir mystery sounds like a fun way to spend your evening, this absolutely delivers that experience. Dissecting how this came to be d...