Mainlining Christmas

I need you to understand, before I type another word, that this movie is not normal. That's not intended to imply that this is good or bad - it's my opinion Holiday in Handcuffs exists outside of such a simplistic dynamic. Likewise, I'm not going to retreat to "so bad it's good," as I don't think that's an accurate description of the movie. I submit this movie is, instead, best described as "fucking bizarre." First some background, at least to the limited degree background information is at all available. The movie was produced by "ABC Family," which was something of a competitor for Hallmark in the TV Christmas movie field during the first decade of the millennium, before Hallmark reached a point where calling other entities "competitors" is something of a misnomer. ABC Family tended to be a bit more PG than Hallmark - really, the movies I've seen from them are closer to what Netflix and other streamers are now puttin...

I probably don't need to tell you what Poker Face is, but in the unlikely case someone finds this review in a couple decades, here goes: this series, created by Rian Johnson and starring Natasha Lyonne, is a throwback to episodic mystery-of-the-week detective shows in the vein of Columbo or Murder She Wrote, combined with a healthy mix of related genre tropes drawn from movies. The gimmick here is that Lyonne's character, Charlie, isn't a detective, nor does she have any professional expertise or background connected to the subject matter. Instead, she has a virtually superhuman ability to detect lies. The show is, in no particular order, bizarre, funny, and absolutely fantastic.  Consider that a recommendation for the series as a whole. This is good stuff, and if you're not already watching... actually, scratch that: you're probably already watching this. So... keep doing that, I guess. With that covered, let's talk about "One Last Job," a rare entry ...

In the revised edition of "Christmas in the Movies," Jeremy Arnold includes a short chapter devoted to the phenomenon of classic noir set during the holidays. In it, he argues intrinsic aspects of noir prevent these from ever being true holiday movies. I couldn't disagree more with that conclusion, but I'm grateful for the chapter, as it's helped lead me to a number of movies not typically listed as Christmas media. The Reckless Moment, a 1949 film directed by Max Ophüls and starring Joan Bennett and James Mason, certainly isn't my favorite of the lot, but I'm still glad I watched it. My understanding is this is fairly well regarded - I'm guessing that's mainly due to a combination of the movie's point-of-view and the quality of the lead performances (Mason is particularly good here). But while I appreciate the movie's merits, I can't echo its fans. I found the bulk of the film a bit too grounded to be interesting, and its more dramatic...

Along with Netflix's Carry-On , Apple TV's Wolfs was a breakout hit last Christmas, to the limited extent the term can be applied to streaming movies. Getting a lot of views doesn't necessarily translate to a significant number of new or retained subscriptions: we know these were seen by a lot people, but it's an open question whether that means anything. This one had a great deal of potential, between reuniting Brad Pitt and George Clooney and coming from writer/director Jon Watts, who overdelivered on both his live-action Spider-Man trilogy and Star Wars Skeleton Crew. He's not necessarily the most exciting name in the industry, but he's been on a strong enough run recently that the prospect of him making a slick, funny holiday comedy/noir in the vein of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was intriguing. But while the movie isn't at all awful, Watts doesn't recreate enough of Shane Black’s proficiency in the genre to make this memorable or special. It's a little ...

In terms of holiday credentials, "Catch Me if You Can" is appropriately evasive. In a real sense, it both is and is not a Christmas movie: it leverages the holidays in interesting ways and returns to them throughout the movie, but the holidays don't shape the the tone, narrative, or theme the way they might in a romantic comedy or drama with a similar structure. They're a supporting player here and they clearly serve a purpose, but they're not the core of the movie, nor do they occupy the bulk of its runtime. But we'll get to that. First, this is based on the (allegedly) true story of Frank Abagnale, Jr., a conman and forger who wrote a popular (and suspect) autobiography about his life. But true or not, it makes for a gripping, funny, engaging adventure in the hands of one of the best directors of all time. Apparently 1941 didn't sour Steven Spielberg on Christmas forever, so here we are. The movie is driven forward by the various cons and tricks Frank (...

I see John Waters's 1974 film on lists of Christmas movies fairly often, though I'd hesitate to categorize it as such myself. The movie features an extended opening set during the holidays, but at 13 minutes, it's a small portion of the overall runtime. I still wanted to say a few things here, since the movie's Christmas sequence is both memorable and used innovatively. More on that in a moment. First, I should say a few things about the movie, or at the very least attempt to do so. Female Trouble is, by design, a weird, off-putting, offensive movie. Waters gravitates towards taboo subjects, finding humor in grotesque imagery. I believe this is the first NC-17 movie we've written about on this site, and the movie earns its rating. None of that is meant to be presented in either a positive or negative light: frankly, I'm not at all sure how to formulate an opinion on this as a film. I found quite a bit of it funny, though I was just as often repulsed by what was ...

Alias Boston Blackie is the third installment of a fourteen film series (plus a radio show spin-off) based on a character serialized for magazines who'd previously been adapted into silent films prior to Columbia Pictures's relaunch in the '40s starring Chester Morris. Kind of makes you wonder how long it's going to take for the name, "James Bond," to elicit the same blank stare "Boston Blackie" does now. Or maybe you're better versed in early 20th century crime fiction than I am. Blackie started out a character in crime fiction, assuming Wikipedia can be trusted (I sure as hell don't have the time to track down and read a bunch of 100 year old stories to confirm that). By the time he made his way to Columbia, the character had been reformed, presumably to keep him on the good side of the Hays Code, which was pretty strict about active criminals being punished for their deeds before the end credits rolled. Put a pin in this, though - I was pl...

Bordering on self-parody to the point I'm not entirely certain what was and wasn't intentional, "I, the Jury" might be the most Christmas noir movie I've come across to date. From start to end, this wants you to know it's set during the holidays. As for noir, it encapsulates the style, tone, and tropes of the quasi-genre to the point of absurdity. The movie lacks subtlety to the point it honestly feels closer to the sort of parody or homage you'd see in a TV sitcom dream sequence about a cynical private eye surrounded (and I do mean surrounded ) by femme fatales. None of that is inherently good or bad, depending on what you're in the mood for. More accurately, it's not enjoyable or unenjoyable: the writing, acting, and directing is all pretty bad here (though the cinematography and set design is quite good). If cheesy noir mystery sounds like a fun way to spend your evening, this absolutely delivers that experience. Dissecting how this came to be d...

I haven't seen nearly enough yakuza films from any era - let alone the early '60s - to weigh in personally on how abnormal "Detective Bureau 2-3: Go to Hell Bastards!" is, but the blurb on Criterion implies it deviates from director Seijun Suzuki's other productions by leaning further into a whimsical, silly tone and style. Regardless of context, American audiences going in with existing expectations based on the subject matter are likely going to be surprised to find what's ultimately a pretty ridiculous film with bright colors, over-the-top characters, and a meandering storyline. This reminded me more of early Bond movies than of anything else I've seen out of Japan, though - again - I'm not at all an expert on Japanese cinema. Still, I suspect it's not entirely coincidental that Dr. No came out just a year beforehand. That said, this has a far sillier tone than any Bond installment until Diamonds Are Forever, so I suspect most of the similaritie...

I heard a great deal about How to Blow Up a Pipeline before watching; after seeing it, I'm honestly surprised I hadn't heard more. The film is ambitious in ways you rarely see in any genre, let alone heist movies. I haven't read the nonfiction book it's inspired by, but based on what I've been able to gleam from the internet, it seems the source material was intended as a manifesto endorsing property damage as a response to climate change - in short, a defense of ecoterrorism. I don't think it's a stretch to say the movie sets out with the same goal: this seems to want to be a sort of manifesto, and the methods it endorses, while notably measured and meticulously dissected within the narrative, are violent in nature (though it should be noted the target of said violence is always property, never human life). I'm sure the above is going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of people - I'm spelling this out up front to serve as a sort of content warning. This...

This is one of several movies I found on a BFI list of great Christmas movies of the 21st century . Like a few movies on that list, Moven Callar's holiday credentials are a tad dubious - I'd defend this as a Christmas movie, but it's a pretty close margin. What's less ambiguous is the quality. The movie is gorgeously shot, with a fantastic performance from Samantha Morton in a role conveyed largely through physicality. I don't quite agree with the assessment in the article linked above that she "barely says a word throughout the film," but it's notable that virtually nothing she says offers a hint as to why she's doing any of the things she does. The movie is exceptionally good, and those in the mood for something dark and meditative will find it a satisfying experience, provided they're not easily frustrated by narratives that are disinterested in explaining themselves. So, take all that into account before reading on, because - as usual - we...

The 1944 noir film, The Suspect, certainly doesn't qualify as a Christmas movie under any definition I use, and I doubt you'll find many people who've seen it and disagree. That said, a short but pivotal scene is set during the holidays, which are utilized in a manner that's both unusual and interesting enough to warrant discussion here. In addition, the movie as a whole is fairly interesting, so I don't mind giving it a bit of exposure. The film stars Charles Laughton, who's perhaps now best known for his sole directing credit, The Night of the Hunter, a 1955 film with similarly dubious yuletide credentials (though that's often counted as a Christmas movie for thematic reasons). While The Night of the Hunter is now (rightly) regarded as a classic, it was considered a failure at the time, which is why it's Laughton's only credited turn as a movie director. He was, however, considered a fantastic actor (also rightly). The Suspect is set in 1902 London...