Mainlining Christmas

Okay, here's the disclaimer: I watched the version of The Christmas Martian that was readily available to me on streaming, which was a mangled, outdated US release. In addition to being badly dubbed, this version features scenes with what appear to be jaw-droppingly bad exposure, washing out entire sequences to the point they're barely discernable. There is now a better option - the movie has been remastered and released on blu-ray through Vinegar Syndrome, and if you're planning to watch this... Actually, why exactly are you determined to watch this? I don't mean that in a snide way way. Literally, what is inspiring you to track down this micro-budgeted, presumably drug-fueled children's movie (or maybe special) from Canada? Because if this is something you remember from your childhood or want to see for academic reasons or anything of the sort, by all means spend the money to get the good version - because it absolutely  matters. But if you're looking for some...

I've had this one on my watchlist for ages, but it never seemed to be streaming on services I was subscribed to. Netflix recently picked it up, so I figured late is better than never. If they'd started streaming it a bit earlier, I'd have included it in my October horror reviews, but I never said I'd review horror only during that month. At any rate, Wind Chill is a 2007 horror movie very much in the "Christmas ghost story" wheelhouse. There are times when I'm unsure if that was intentional, but this was produced through a British company, and if there's any country I trust to be conscious of that tradition, it's Great Britain. This one seems a bit divisive: I've seen it defended as one of the better Christmas horror offerings, and I've seen it dismissed as uninspired and dull. Unfortunately, I'm inclined to side with the latter group. For what it's worth, I suspect a lot of the difference in opinion is due to expectation. This was ...

This was one of a handful of adaptations of "A Christmas Carol" that were on my list when I binged fifty or so of these back in 2022, but I was unable to get to it at the time. I've been meaning to rectify that since, but it never seemed to be on the right streaming services at the right times. Well, that finally changed, so at long last I was able to sit down and watch it. The movie is quite a bit more ambitious than most low-budget versions. The story is set in what was then the present-day, song and dance numbers are added (though the music is diegetic, save for when the source is explicitly supernatural), and the majority of characters - included Scrooge himself - are gay. Several characters are gender-flipped to accommodate this: nephew Fred is now niece Freda, Belle becomes Bill, and so on. Sequences and minor characters are added to expand on this idea, however the core of the story is unchanged. In fact, in several respects this adheres closer to Dickens's blu...

The original Prep & Landing continues to rank among my all-time favorite holiday specials. I love the way it reimagines Christmas elves through the lens of secret agents and high-pressure missions, building to a tense climax with stakes that feel important while still remaining within the scale of the story. Likewise, while Operation Secret Santa was only a short, it manages to capture the magic of the original, giving us the excitement of a life-or-death spy movie in the package of a sweet Christmas cartoon. Good stuff. After that, we got Naughty vs. Nice , a full-length special that sort of abandoned the tone of the original. There are still some good moments in there, but it's missing the sense of suspense. It's more a kid's cartoon playing with spy movie concepts, while the first two were legitimate spy stories told within a world of Christmas specials. But at least it remembered its roots. The third special in the series, The Snowball Protocol (directed by Shane ...

On one level, I appreciate what directors Zac Moncrief and Steve Trenbirth, as well as writer Jon Colton Barry (who co-wrote this with Moncrief), were trying to pull off here. These are all industry professionals - Moncrief and Barry are both veterans of Phineas and Ferb, which almost certainly ranks somewhere on the top ten list of animated series of the last twenty-five years - so this isn't going to be a by-the-numbers exercise in bland, inoffensive kid's media. You can tell they wanted to subvert expectations, push boundaries, and create something with a bit of an edge to the humor. And, again, they have experience in that department. I thought about that a lot while I watched A Chuck E. Cheese Christmas, the new 50-minute special currently streaming in a couple spots (including free on YouTube, in case there was any doubt this was financed as some sort of marketing promotion). I also thought a lot about the writing and the jokes, because... I think the writing might be oka...

This is a low-budget live-action kid's Christmas movie released a couple years ago to very little fanfare. As is often the case with things like this, how good or bad it is largely boils down to deciding what you're comparing it against, as well as what it's trying to accomplish. There's essentially no information about the production online (or at least none I was able to locate), so what little context I have derives from what's on screen, both during the movie and in the credits. We figured out it was filmed in Italy early on, thanks to a sign written in Italian in the background of a shot. The movie's location is one of its stronger assets - the filmmakers had access to impressive mountainous regions, as well as medieval looking buildings and streets, though I suspect some were filmed at some sort of theme park or Renaissance Fair. That aesthetic extends to the costumes and relevant props, as well - anything that looks like you'd see it worn by professio...

The third Niko film is the best to date, at least as far as the writing is concerned. The eagles in the second movie basically filled the same role as the wolves in the first , which made it feel somewhat recycled. This time, the primary antagonists are a rival group of reindeer with an axe to grind against Niko's father and Santa's Flying Forces, which makes for a more compelling arc, particularly because the series has always made it clear there are good reasons to hate those guys. It also plays with its genre references in more interesting ways, adding in elements of sports movies into the mix. That's hardly new to animated media about reindeer, but this time it means the story's destination isn't quite as obvious from the start. That's the good news. The bad is the animation feels like a slight step backward. I'm sure it's technically more impressive than the last movie (they had more than a decade of technological advances, after all), but whatever...

Okay, that wasn't half bad. Actually... hold on. Let me double-check my math. Actually, I take it back: this was exactly half bad. But that does mean it was half good, which is a hell of a lot better than the first installment . The improvements are mainly in the animation, which received a substantial upgrade, likely due to the first being fairly successful. This wasn't giving Disney or Dreamworks a run for their money, but to my eye it looks about on par with most of what Blue Sky was putting out around that time. Given this was probably made for a tiny fraction of the money US studios have, that's pretty impressive. The characters interact better with their environments (though the lighting still looks off at times), and - more importantly - the action sequences are kinetic and engaging, both in how they're storyboarded and brought to life. This was a huge issue with the first movie, so I was happy to see the course correction. Unfortunately the writing didn't im...

I feel like I have to start this review by saying I don't know anything about the Jonas Brothers, and I don't think I could name a single one of their songs. I'm not stating that up front to be negative or confrontational: I just don't want anyone thinking that my recommendation for this is in any way connected to me being a fan or something - I'm not. It's just... this is a good movie. I didn't expect that. Hell, I didn't expect it to be good or for it to be a real movie. And yet it's both: a musical comedy that emphasizes the comedy, to the point it borders on parody but stops just short of crossing over the line into farce. It walks right up to that line, though, allowing the title characters to play comically exaggerated versions of themselves who are the butt of the movie's jokes but avoid faltering into unlikability. In that respect, the movie's a choreographed balancing act that could have - and by rights probably should have - gone ho...

This is a French anthology of animated shorts, each written and directed by a female filmmaker, stylized to look something like a children's book brought to life. The movie was released in various overseas markets last year, but - as far as I know - is just reaching the US now. It's simple but beautiful, a throwback to old 2D animated shorts and holiday specials. A few of the sequences reminded me of animated Sesame Street sequences, though I assume the actual inspiration came mainly from French cartoons of the same era. Everything in this is intended for a young audience - there's no serious danger or animosity in any of these shorts, and nothing really gets hurt. I wouldn't hesitate to show this to a toddler or younger: any child old enough to look at a screen is old enough to see this. At the same time, it's all sweet and touching enough to appeal to adults who appreciate the medium. This is an all-ages film, excluding perhaps that 8 to 16 window where anything c...

I'd never seen this before, but the art in the opening credits really took me back to 1998. I was just starting college and I had a new computer (an Aptiva), which included a number of programs. I didn't have Office (that would have cost extra), but I had a suite of knockoffs, including a rudimentary paint program. I mention this because the art in the movie is about on par with what I could have whipped up at the time. That sets a pretty good expectation for the rest of the movie, which has the feel of a made-for-TV production that probably wasn't quite polished enough to actually air on television. Or maybe it did. Honestly, I don't know where this did or didn't air or screen, if it went direct-to-video, or what. I don't know much of anything about "The Boy Who Saved Christmas" that wasn't in the movie itself, because there doesn't seem to be much information available - no Wikipedia page, a relatively barebones IMDB entry , and no readily av...

This is a 45-minute stop-motion special about an Australian outback tour operator accidentally trading places with Santa Claus. Based on the premise and a minor character with a heavy Australian accent, I assume this was produced for the Australian market, but I actually haven't been able to verify that. The production company behind the project is Canadian, the main voice actor is Australian, and the only firm information I can find on it playing anywhere pre-streaming is a French film festival. IMDB does list a release date of December 25, 2008 in Australia, but it seems odd for it to have been delayed three years if that was the *first* time it was seen outside of festivals. I swear, it used to be a lot easier to research this kind of stuff before AI turned the internet to crap. None of that reflects on the quality of the special, of course, but I'd like to at least know whether this is an Australian or Canadian special, whether it's popular anywhere, and so on and so fo...