Mainlining Christmas

I'm not sure whether I'll be able to coherently describe what happened in the special, but I know I can explain how it came to be. There was a meeting, quite possibly in a studio boardroom, where someone said, "Hey. You know what we need? Another Rudolph." To which someone else added, "And we need something that's religious, really puts the Christ in Christmas." And fifteen minutes later the storyboard for Nestor: the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey was born. I don't think I've ever seen this before, probably because it doesn't have the same exposure most of the other specials have. This is kind of a shame, because it's just about the most screwed-up thing I've ever seen, and I feel like more people should be familiar with it. This is narrated by Nestor's descendant, whose name escapes me and I don't care enough to look up. I should probably add that Nestor's descendant works for Santa Claus at the North Pole. This i

This years' Window Displays start with the creepy mannequins of Saks Fifth Avenue. There's some ridiculous almost-a-story being told in rhymed couplets on the surface of the windows. Something about the magic bubble factory under Saks, where bored ladies in expensive dresses run Dr. Seuss-style machines. The machines are actually quite interesting looking, and they move, and the dresses are pretty. The juxtaposition, though, is just weird. Also the creepy little girl mannequin in the Santa hat is constantly skulking in the background: The displays are also sprinkled with little fake animals in the corners, with no explanation. Inside Saks they've decorated the ceiling, mostly. The next interesting store I spotted I guess is called H. Stern? It looks like a jewelry place. They had a live jazz band on a Thursday afternoon. I didn't even think about going in. Their windows were interesti

I want to smack their stupid faces. I should start this by saying I have a thing about Glee. I watched about two-thirds of the first season before deciding I was ultimately not enjoying it and quitting before it became a full fledged addiction. This is the first episode I've seen since then. As I watched, I could feel the ghostly hand of pointlessly melodramatic soap-opera-style continuity calling me back. I could feel the chance that I would get sucked back in. Happily, I escaped, because this is a terrible episode. It continues to be basically the same plot: teen romance creates drama/evil gym teacher is wacky. Rinse, repeat. Overall the series, and this episode in particular, suffers from the tension between drama and farce. The drama is boring, but when the drama laspes, there's nothing to ground the farce. And the farce isn't funny enough to stand on it's own. The music was every bit as horribly over-produced as I remembered. I love musicals, but I

Last Christmas a doll came for my daughter beneath the tree, wrapped in gold foil and tied with a bow. While playing the following spring, she dropped the toy down the stairs, and the impact split open the doll’s head. Wedged inside the neck was a handful of rolled up papers. The handwriting was almost illegible, but after a few hours, I was able to transcribe them, embellishing nothing beyond a word here or there I couldn’t identify or finishing the occasional sentence where the writer’s thoughts had wandered or he’d used the wrong term. * * * Even before he came, I knew there were things like him in the world. My mother was not born in this land, and she told me such stories. My father said it silly, but even as a boy I was smart enough to know the real from the fake, and to know that science and its ilk, while having its uses, painted pictures of a fairytale world of machines and mechanizations, and that the real world was something different. So it was that

The songs below are actually from two albums, but many of the tracks overlap, and I don't have double copies of them all. Technically, the music is performed by Peach Hips, which is one of the names for the musical group made up of the voice actors from Sailor Moon. It may be silly, but this is some of my favorite new music I acquired this year. In general I find these songs sweet and bouncy, and just plain enjoyable to listen to, even if I'm not sure what they're saying. Also, I find it easier to visualize the Sailor Scouts/Soldiers (pick your translation) singing exuberant Christmas tunes than some of the other characters on these Novelty Albums. Track List: Sailor Moon Christmas Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer When the Saints Go Marching In Jingle Bells The Christmas Song Les Anges dan nos Compagnes (Hark the Herald Angels Sing) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus When You Wish Upon a Star Silent Night Koibito ga Santa Claus Last Christmas Additional

I've seen some great episodes of this series, but I think they were mostly from later seasons. This one, while decent, wasn't anything special. Like most episodes of most sitcoms, this one follows a couple different stories that are developing in parallel. I counted three main plot arcs: one following J.D., who's been drafted into filming a childbirth, a second that followed Elliot, who's trying to track down a pregnant teen in need of medical care for reasons too contrived to go into here, and a third revolving around Turk, who's lost his faith because he had to work a night shift during a bad musical montage. Some of it was interesting, but none of it really hooked me. The characterizations were far too over-the-top to be relatable, let alone believable, and the set ups felt forced. There were a few dream sequences - one of this series's signatures - but mostly they felt random and unconnected. Overall, the comedy was good, though very few of the jokes

I saw several episodes of this series back in 2002/2003, but stopped watching before this episode aired. Kim Possible, for those of you who don't watch enough cartoons, was a Disney animated series about a super-spy in high school. Elements of both The Powerpuff Girls and Buffy: The Vampire Slayer can be felt, and its creators worked on the criminally underrated Sky High. This Christmas episode was almost entirely comedy, focused around Ron Stoppable (Kim's partner) and Drakken (her bumbling nemesis). Normally, that might grate on me, but here it seemed to work. The writing was snappy and clever, with the exception of a running gag about X-Treme sports that didn't age well. The episode did a good job juggling the absurdity of Kim's world, along with the trappings of holiday cheer, and while the result wasn't Earth-shattering, it was absolutely entertaining. If you're flipping through the channels and stumble across this, I definitely recommend giving it

This isn't much of an episode if you're unfamiliar with the show, and even if you are it's just fine. I found it sweet and amusing, but not compelling in any way. The plot follows Mary first learning she has to work on Christmas, and as soon as she comes to terms with that emotionally, she gets conned by a co-worker into covering his Christmas Eve shift too. Of course, everything turns out merry and bright, if not what she had planned, so all is well. I actually like the idea of this episode a lot more than the execution. It's true to the idea of the series, following a young woman making her way in a new life in a new city. And sometimes working in the industry you want to work in means you have to work holidays. The feeling of co-workers and friends coming together because you can't be with family isn't dated at all. Some of the humor... is. However, I absolutely love everyone's 70's wardrobe. I also liked that the majority of the jokes in th

I just recently read the short story, so a lot of watching this special was spent comparing it to the source material. It compares pretty well, I think. So far as I know, this is the last of the Rankin-Bass holiday specials, so the production values by this point were pretty high. The animation is smooth and the character designs are pretty great. The special opens with the Council of Immortals meeting to decide Claus' fate; his life story is then told within that frame. I found the Immortals much more interesting and full of gravity here than in the book. It probably doesn't have anything to do with me being conditioned to like anything set to the same kind of 70's style faux medieval folk-rock that was also used in The Hobbit, Flight of Dragons, etc. Really. The special goes on to be a credible adaptation of Baum's story, although it skips a lot of amusing details for time and adds some side characters to explain plot points to. It also cuts a lot of annoyin

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus L. Frank Baum, 1902 Cross-posted at Blue Fairy's Bookshelf This is a rather unique little... novella, I guess I would call it by the length. Probably one of the earliest attempts to really codify a “logical” life story for Santa Claus. I found it interesting, though, that even given a few animated specials that adapt this story directly, very little of this story has directly migrated into the popular conception of Santa. This could be one of the things that pulled the idea of Santa into the framework of “fairy tale” rather than “religious/mythic figure”, but I couldn't find out much about its original reception or effect. Eschewing any references to Saint Nicholas, the historical figure, this Santa is a foundling raised by wood nymphs and fairies, called Claus because it means something like “small one”. Most of the story is pretty cute: the fairies raise Claus, and since all manner of immortal spirits are his friends and prote

This is a bizarre little animated special on a collection I found cheap on Amazon. This was the first special on the first disc, so here we are. The special opens with caroling children singing, then immediately transitions to tanks firing, followed by a description of the Middle East now, then finally settling on the Ancient Roman Empire. The next five or ten minutes introduce a flurry of characters and locations. From a narrative point of view, this offers very little in the form of a coherent story, but then again, neither did the New Testament. What this does surprising well is depict a complex social and political landscape, complete with intrigue and danger. When we follow a couple Roman soldiers through the streets of Bethlehem, it's genuinely fascinating, and the special's depiction of Herod - while certainly not even-handed - makes for an interesting foil. Things start to drag when the story shifts to Mary and Joseph, who are obnoxiously two-dimensional (as usual

At some point I reached an important realization about this movie. It wasn't that I was watching a bad movie - I knew that going in - but rather that the movie was the wrong movie. I don't mean that I wasn't watching the movie I'd set out to see - for whatever reason, I actually chose to put this on - but that the filmmakers had literally produced the wrong film. See, by all rights, this should have been a Tim Allen vehicle. The lead was clearly written like his character from Home Improvement. Casting Schwarzenegger made no sense. I don't mean to suggest this change would have made the movie better; just that it would made the movie's existence make sense. On the scale of bad Christmas movies, this isn't on the bottom. Before you read too much into that comment, keep in mind the scale we're considering descends into a very deep, very dark pit. And parts of this movie were actually funny. There's a scene in the middle involving an army of m

Ugh. I don't have a lot to say about this lame television special. It was boring, banal, and badly produced. The animation is pretty sub-par, even by the Rankin-Bass standards. The voices are terribly chosen, just incredibly boring. Poorly written dialogue, weird lighting mistakes, completely forgettable musical numbers, and not much more to this. Bleck. Okay, I guess you can have a few more details. So, in this highly padded story, the Little Drummer Boy (Aaron) hates humans. We know this because the narration tells us approximately six hundred times, and Aaron says it a few more times for good measure. Hates. Humans. All Humans. Hates them. Why does he hate humans? Because his parents were killed, by HUMANS! Yeah, this kid's logic was a little shy of becoming Batman rather than a pint-size misanthrope. Pity - the special could have been a lot more interesting. There are a lot of awkward phrases and lines in this thing. Like "Show Caravan". It's a t

This eight minute short came as part of a DVD collection I bought cheap on Amazon, but apparently it's easy to find on Youtube, too. Come to think of it, just about everything in that collection appears to be on Youtube. At any rate, this has to be one of the strangest artifacts we've come across. I've never actually seen an episode of Howdy Doody before, though of course I know what it is. Or at least I thought I knew: now, I'm not so sure. First off, let's talk about the horror. See, every character in this thing, with the exception of Buffalo Bob, is outright creepy. Imagine Chucky but not as cute: that's Howdy Doody. And remember the clown from It? yeah, apparently his older brother's name was Clarabell, and he's in this. Then there's Ugly Sam. I guess he wasn't scary, just weird. This thing starts a few minutes before midnight, with most of the above characters decorating a tree. They hide at midnight, so Santa won't see them (

This is one of the myriad made-for-TV family movies that gets churned out every year. We try to keep a few of these in our queue to ensure we're experiencing the entire spectrum of holiday fare. As the title suggests, this one focuses on the character of Black Peter, a slightly obscure holiday figure, at least here in the US. For those of you not obsessed with Christmas lore, Black Peter is a child assistant to Saint Nick. Traditionally, he's the one charged with punishing children who were bad, an awkward bit of racist stereotyping which makes him an extremely difficult character to use. Since he never really took hold in America, it's pretty easy to skip him entirely and avoid the matter altogether. This movie instead re-imagines him as a kind-hearted adult accompanying Saint Nicholas in his journeys. It's an attempt to reclaim the character while simultaneously raising him in prominence. As a whole, the special isn't very impressive. Production values are

This was an interesting artifact to track down. Apparently, it was aired live in 1951, and then performed again in subsequent years to decent success, making it one of the first, if not the first, actual television Christmas specials to become a yearly tradition. This is the recording of the 1955 performance. Watching it now is... odd. Erin flatly hated it, while I found it amusing. Amahl and the Night Visitors is an opera about the Three Kings stopping to rest with a poor family on their way to find Jesus. Except that it's a light opera, so much of the kings' behavior is played for laughs. Amahl and his mother are destitute, but somehow have this building big enough to have a dance in, that has no furniture. I guess what I'm trying to convey is that any logic in the situation is somewhat lacking. It's sort of slow and boring, although as I said, the humor was okay. I mean, Amahl goes at one point between his mother and the door, telling her a king is there, she

I came across this searching through Amazon's instant view options (having pretty much exhausted Netflix last Christmas), and selected it out of sheer curiosity. I feel like I've seen this referenced before, but had absolutely no clue what it was when I watched it. Honestly, I don't think I even bothered reading the description first. After, I hopped over to Wikipedia to grab some context. Apparantly, this was a web series about a village of ninja. The animation's highly stylized; I guess the characters are supposed to be cute. While I didn't really find them all that adorable, I really enjoyed the comedy, especially in the first of the three episodes. I should mention the episodes are extremely short - about eight minutes each - meaning three together come out to about the equivalent of a half hour show (minus comercials, of course). The first, "Tis The Season For Revenge" , is by far the best, re-imaging Santa as a repentant ninja. His ex-partn

Eesh. This is the first one of these that's really making me cringe. Some of the singing isn't bad (It's probably mostly one or two voice actresses, the cd does not identify them), but all the forced dialogue and lines referencing different characters are extremely awkward. Not too surprisingly, it's less awkward with characters from the more recent movies, when it sounds like the actual voice actress might be doing the song, rather than someone imitating an actress from one of the early movies. Whoever hired the voice actors for the seven dwarves and wrote their dialogue has a lot to answer for. A lot of the problem I have with this album, though, is the premise. There isn't one. So some songs are sung as a group, but most songs are very specific to each character and reference their own world. It seems stupid to me to put something like this together and not have some silly magic reason that all the princesses are throwing a party together, or something. T

I think it's important to note that movies based on short children's books can work. Look no further than " Where the Wild Things Are " for a primer in how its done. If something isn't long enough to adapt into a movie, DON'T ADAPT IT: use it as inspiration, and build a new story and world. Whatever you do, don't stick with a plot that requires five minutes to function and try to pad it out into an hour and a half epic. If you do, you could conceivably wind up with something nearly as bad as Polar Express, a film so awful it more or less got its source - a beautiful, subtle picture book - removed from most peoples' lists of classics. It's common for us nerds to accuse a movie of ruining a book, but in this case, it's kind of true. The Polar Express isn't the worst holiday movie we've seen, not by a long shot. But I'm having a very hard time thinking of another that's this bad made at this budget. As such, we're goi

Watching this episode was an odd experience, to say the least. I had watched The Dick Van Dyke Show in re-runs as a child, and remember it fondly. Erin had never, to his knowledge, seen an episode. And thus we discovered that if you aren't familiar with the show, this episode makes absolutely no sense. The premise of The Dick Van Dyke Show is that it follows the lives of the writers of a television comedy skit show, primarily focusing on the relationship between the head writer and his wife. The loose plot of this Christmas episode is that the characters perform a series of skits on the show themselves, in the spirit of the holidays. It's not exactly a great example of the series, more of a weird one-off that they did for fun. Wikipedia tells me that it's one of the few episodes that wasn't filmed in front of a live audience. The characters sing and tell jokes, and I found it kind of cute, but not generally that interesting. The costumes and skits are fine, but

I remembering watching this show back when it started. I saw the first season, but gave up after a few episodes in the second, so I never got to this one. Before I go on, I'd like to point out that seeing Joseph Gordon-Levitt when he was that young is really messing with me. To think that kid grew up to become Cobra Commander. The episode is entertaining enough, and thanks to the series' concept, is actually about Christmas, not just set during the holidays. Like pretty much every single episode of the series, this was a comedy of errors about the disguised aliens trying and ultimately failing to understand our strange world. Ahem. That's why I got tired after a season back in the 90's. Fortunately, having not seen an episode since then, I was ready to jump back in. You get subplots for each of the main characters, though Dick clearly had the most screen time. He was cast as the episode's Scrooge, though he was always kind of Scrooge, so that's not a

I was taking a walk up Sixth Avenue for a change, and realized that there is quite an amusing string of holiday displays along this route. I love these giant Christmas lights: If it's unclear, each bulb is more than three feet long.  Another block down you get these giant ornaments: Across the street from some of this is the brightly shining front of Radio City Music Hall: Over in front of Radio City, I was highly amused by this special holiday bus-will-not-stop sign: The last giant prop that I saw was this big toy train, also filling a fountain. It's very large, not as large as a real train, but probably as tall as me.