Shimmer Noel Decorative Filler
If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that Michaels sells some weird shit.
Seriously. I love the store (I even worked there once, long ago), but they sell things that simply defy explanation. This is a good example of that phenomenon.
We found these sold with other seasonal decorations. This is a pack of round, furry balls - nine for $12.99, if you pay full price.
If there's a second thing I've leaned over the years, it's that you should never pay full price for seasonal merchandise at Michaels.
We got these at 70% off in some sort of post-black-cyber-buy-our-crap-Friday-doorbuster-sale. I'm not entirely clear on why there was a sale going on, but it brought the price below $4 for the set, which is something like $0.43 per unit.
But none of that's important, because there's a far, far, FAR more immediate question elicited by these: WHY?
Actually, "Why?" is itself merely a starting point. Why were these designed? Why were they made? Why were they marketed as holiday-themed? WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF THE MYRIAD GODS BORN ON DECEMBER 25, DID WE BUY THEM?
I can't answer any of those questions, save the last. And that, I think, has already been answered by the above photographs. Because, whatever these were intended to be is irrelevant. Any geek worth their dilithium knows in their heart what these are.
These are tribbles.
I don't understand why there are unofficial tribbles being sold as decorative holiday accents, or why they're as cheap as they are, but I guess we shouldn't look a gift tribble in the... do tribbles even have mouths, or do they just somehow absorb their food through their fur?
Yet another question I can't answer.
Whatever the truth, these both look and feel like tribbles (i.e., they're stuffed under the fuzz). They're smaller than they should be (these have about a two-and-a-half-inch diameter), but they're instantly recognizable.
So if you're in the market for discount tribbles (and, really, who isn't?) now would be a good time to swing by your local Michaels and see if they have any in stock.
Live long and Christmas.