Mainlining Christmas

This year, I am taking on The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries, a 674 page tome containing 59 individual stories about the Christmas season. Conveniently, it’s broken up into blog-post sized sections. This is section two. A Funny Little Christmas The Burglar and the Whatsit , Donald E. Westlake - Short and clever, got great style. Dancing Dan’s Christmas , Damon Runyon - Enjoyable. Nothing unexpected. A Visit from St. Nicholas , Ron Goulart - Cute style, decent use of irony. The Thieves Who Couldn’t Help Sneezing , Thomas Hardy - Solid tale, not really a mystery. Almost fairy tale style. Rumpole and the Spirit of Christmas , John Mortimer - Ugh. I guess youre supposed to enjoy the humor and ignore the horrid classism. A Reversible Santa Claus , Meredith Nicholson - Longest story so far, pretty enjoyable. These were mostly pretty fun, with a couple of exceptions. The Thomas Hardy piece was fine, I guess, but it was so different. It follows a man who is waylaid on the roa

Issue originally from 2007 Writer: Ed Brubaker, Art: Lee Weeks, Stefano Gaudiano I was pretty excited to stumble across this holiday-themed one-shot in time for the Mainlining season, but it’s probably too embedded in comics continuity for new readers to appreciate. It takes place in the midst of Civil War, although that plotline only comes up in the background. The main plot follows Bucky Barnes, as he tries to process his first real Christmas since the 40’s, and reflects on holidays then and now. The flashbacks are pretty fun, especially the contrast between the warm sepia tones and the blue-black colors of the modern scenes. Bucky’s seasonal depression is interrupted by a summons from SHEILD, who ask him to stop a squad of Young Avengers - Hawkeye (Kate), Patriot and Vision - from accidentally blowing a SHIELD operation because of bad intel. They end up fighting a bunch of HYDRA goons, and Bucky acts toward the young heroes like the older professional that he is mentally,

The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries editor: Otto Penzler, 2013 This year, I am taking on The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries , a 674 page tome containing 59 individual stories about the Christmas season. Conveniently, it’s broken up into blog-post sized sections. Shall we begin? Section One: A Traditional Little Christmas I actually need to start with a general formatting note. I am not a huge fan of the way the biographies of the authors are presented. Each story is prefaced by a quick explanation of the standing or fame of the author, often including whatever work they are most famous for, and the source of the story. Honestly, I’d rather simply have the source of the story and save the plaudits for afterward or the footnotes. I started to skip or skim these pages after the third time that I felt disappointed by a bait-and-switch. For example, from the bio I see that such and such an author was famous for his comedies, but I discover upon reading that this piece is a drama

A Yuletide Universe: Sixteen Fantastical Tales Editor: Brian M. Thomsen, 2003 Crossposted from The Blue Fairy's Bookshelf Hooray! Despite opening with an epigraph/poem that made me cringe (it started out rhyming, and then… stopped?) this was a much better collection of holiday cheer than the others I've read this year. My favorite stories are starred( * ). The collection opens with three super-short pieces: “Nicholas Was . . .” by Neil Gaiman, 1989 “Cyber-Claus” by William Gibson, 1991 * “Holiday” by Richard Christian Matheson, 1982 The Gaiman and Gibson are brief and forgettable, but the Matheson (this Matheson is the son of the more famous author) is a nice, subtle piece about a guy who runs into Santa on holiday in the tropics. “Nackles” by Donald E. Westlake, 1964 Westlake is mostly a crime fiction author, and this little spooky story about the creative power of belief is well done, if not (in 2013) particularly original. “Santa Claus vs. S.P.I.D.E.R.” b

The Knights of Christmas Suzanne Barclay, Margaret Moore, Deborah Simmons, 1997 Crossposted from The Blue Fairy’s Bookshelf Yup, it’s officially a theme. MORE SHORT STORIES. These ones are a little more like novellas, though. This is a Harlequin Historical compilation, three short works set at Christmas. I thought it might be a somewhat entertaining read: a bit of fluffy medieval holiday romance. Well, I was right, sort of, in that it was fluffy (in a shallow way) and medieval (in its uneasy gender roles). The first story, Kara’s Gift , was the one I actually liked. It has in common with its sibling stories awkward and somewhat off-putting description in the sex scenes, but the characters are at least likable, the story super-cliche but amusing. Duncan is a landless knight, back from the crusades with enough treasure to wed his childhood sweetheart, but instead he’s swept up in a Scottish clan-war and a wild-hearted pagan lass. It’s actually kind of sweet by the end, and th

This is a neat little book. It does a good job simultaneously existing as a children's book and a mock-children's book, which isn't an easy feat. We wound up getting this as a Christmas present from my parents, which was a good guess on their part: we'd been wanting to track it down for a while. The story is about a Hanukkah latke who's made, then winds up running around in pain and frustration, in part because of the boiling oil he was initially cooked in, but also because he can't find a place where he belongs in a world built around Christmas. The humor is sharp and dark, but not quite as dark as you might expect. Like Roald Dahl, Snicket has a good sense of what kids find funny and adults find horrific, and he exploits that line proficiently. Depending on the reader's tone of voice, this could easily be read as a silly storybook to a young kid or dark satire to an older crowd. The story works metaphorically for the sense of alienation felt by Jewis

Miracle and Other Christmas Stories Connie Willis, 1979 Crossposted from The Blue Fairy’s Bookshelf Awww, man! More disappointing Christmas stories. I went into this one with high hopes, because Willis’ story “Pony” was one of my favorites in Christmas on Ganymede . Unfortunately, it was one of my favorites here, too. It starts strong, with an introduction that was worth borrowing the book from the library for, just for the snark about Hans Christian *overrated hack* Andersen and the list of other recommended stories and movies, some of which weren’t on our radar yet! Sure, she thinks The/A Christmas Story is actually quality, and that's just wrong, whether you’re talking about the myth as literature or the movie as cinema (she likes both). But Willis is a Hugo winner! Surely, there are some good genre stories in here, right? Sort of. Lets run through the contents, shall we? “Miracle” Starts strong, woman receives visit from accidentally conjured hippy Spirit of Ch

Sarah Palin's new book is, more or less, a long-winded, nonsensical rant from someone who has absolutely no idea what she's talking about. I'll pause to let the shock sink in. The book is largely driven by a pervasive misunderstanding of the war on Christmas, who's fighting it, and what it's over. In her worldview, those fighting Christmas are offended atheists who want to push Christ out of Christmas and replace it with a Solstice festival, ceremonies venerating sun gods, and even Islamic holidays. She doesn't mention push from Jewish households - both liberal and conservative - who are bothered by the holiday's status in schools, nor does she acknowledge the sizable numbers of conservative Christians who boycott the holiday because of its pagan roots. She seems to have at least a passing familiarity with those roots. There's a brief mention that Jesus probably wasn't born on 12/25, and that the holiday's date was likely co-opted from

The Ice Harvest Scott Phillips, 2000 Crossposted from The Blue Fairy’s Bookshelf Premise: Charlie Arglist is making the rounds on Christmas Eve, 1979: the bars he likes, the strip joint he runs and the one that he patronizes. He’s not telling anyone that he’s leaving town in the morning. Charlie’s not having a good night. I didn’t like the movie of this as much as Erin did, but I did really enjoy the book. It’s got a bleak humor that places it firmly in the best noir tradition. Charlie’s a lawyer, and he works in the machinery of the mob that runs much of the town, managing businesses like porn shops and the Tease-O-Rama. He’s skipping town in the morning. That’s all you know at the start of the book, and I really liked the slow build. The movie hits you right at the start with Charlie’s partnership with Vic, and why and how they plan to leave town, but for fully half of the book, all you know is that Charlie’s leaving, and he has to meet Vic at two. The book takes place ov

Christmas on Ganymede and Other Stories Edited by Martin H Greenberg, 1990 Crossposted from The Blue Fairy’s Bookshelf I was so excited when I found this book! A collection of sci-fi themed Christmas stories, just the thing to break up the Christmas monotony, right? Now I know why I kept finding copies of it for a dollar. It’s not all bad. There are some stories I liked, but most of the authors are phoning it in here. It’s like everyone had one mediocre holiday story in them, and instead of reading it in a collection of other good stories on other topics or other good stories by the same author, it’s bundled with every other author’s one mediocre story. But let’s be more specific, shall we? “To Hell with the Stars” Jack McDevitt, 1987 To hell with your pessimistic cliche attitude, Mr. McDevitt, warp drive might still be possible - 1 Star “A Midwinter's Tale” Michael Swanwick, 1988 A nicely creepy Solstice tale, well done - 4 Stars “Christmas on Ganymede” Isaac

NOS4A2 Joe Hill, 2013 Crossposted from The Blue Fairy’s Bookshelf Premise: Victoria “Vic” McQueen has a special talent: she can use her bike and a bridge that isn’t there to find lost things. Unfortunately, Charlie Manx has a talent too. Vic is the only child to escape from Manx’s one-way trip to Christmasland, but it takes more than luck to break an evil man, and every power comes with a price. I thought this book was good, but I’m not sure I actually enjoyed reading it. The tone wasn’t quite my cup of tea, and it needed to be more tightly written. Some positives: Vic herself is a great protagonist. She’s broken and flawed in completely believable and sympathetic ways. She’s brave when she has to be, even if she has to talk herself into it. The talents are interesting. Broadly and only vaguely defined, they hint at much more out of sight. The writing is quite good: the descriptions of the supernatural and creepy as well as the mundane and everyday were evocative and often p

A Christmas Memory Truman Capote, 1956 Premise: A ostensibly autobiographical story about an unlikely friendship. The narrator, known only as “Buddy”, describes his memories of celebrating Christmas with his best friend, an older relative whom no one else seems to understand. This was recommended to me by a friend, and I’m so glad I sought it out. It was just lovely. ‘Buddy’ and the elderly woman called only “my friend” have a lot in common; they are both thought of as strange and they both have a rather whimsical view of the world. The relationship here is touching and sad, you only get little subtle snippets as you follow them through the ritual of making holiday fruitcakes for all the people they like. Not “friends”, but rather shopkeepers and politicians and other public figures; anyone who they feel a connection to or think could use a fruitcake. The larger family seems to be somewhat low-income, but not poverty-stricken. It’s worse for the two main characters, though,

The Gift of the Magi O. Henry, 1906 Premise: You know. No, really, you've seen or read something based on this story. You know, anything with two people who buy each other gifts but give up something important to do it, making the gift exchange generally somewhat ironic? I told you you knew. I’ve seen so many versions of this story as part of Mainlining Christmas, that it hadn’t occurred to me until yesterday that I’d never actually read the original story. And hey, it’s better than I expected. The style is humorous and playful, with more than a few sly jokes. The story focuses on the wife, Della, and while she’s a bit childish at times, she's also forthright, determined and loving. The ending is much sweeter than I expected. I quite enjoyed reading this. Why am I still talking about it? It’s a short story and it’s Free . Here, read it yourself! http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/7256

DCU Holiday Bash (1997) Dennis O’Neil, Walter Simonson, Sal Buscema, Jim Aparo, et. al. This is a pretty fun assortment of stories. First Lois tells a story about Superman’s early attempts at being a hero to a lonely guy on Christmas Eve. I thought the story about Highfather and Orion filling in for a department store Santa was surprisingly awesome. Denny O’Neil’s contribution is a little noir tale about Catwoman rescuing a woman and child who were targeted by mobsters. There’s a humor piece starring Etrigan, and a maybe-too-preachy piece about Green Lantern going after some punks who desecrated a synagogue. Flash shops for a gift for his girlfriend (Reprinted in DC Universe Christmas) and Alfred closes out the issue with a little wordless piece called “Just Another Night”. This is a really solid assortment, and a very enjoyable read. DC Universe Holiday Special (2010) Joey Cavalieri, Tony Bedard, Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, et. al. This was much less interesting an iss

DC Universe Christmas Various Writers and Artists Compilation released in 2000, Issues originally copyright 1940-1999 Premise: A collection of holiday-themed stories from across the first six decades of DC comics. Talk about hits and misses! This is a really interesting read, but it’s not always interesting because it’s good. There is a huge array of styles and quality here. It starts really strong, with a Denny O’Neil Batman tale from 1980 about an ex-con turned mall Santa, and a cute piece from the 90's about Flash (Wally West) shopping for a present for his girlfriend. Then we get a Wonder Woman story from 1943. There’s some historical interest here, but mostly it’s all kinds of horrible. Soon after it is a Teen Titans tale from 1968 with a hokey plot-line and a lot of ‘groovy jive-talking’. There’s a Robin story which is corny, but cute, a Legion of Superheroes bit that’s wild and kinda wonderful. I was really intrigued by a Green Lantern/Green Arrow team-up that’s

Letters to Father Christmas J. R. R. Tolkien, 1976, 1999 Premise: This whimsical volume reproduces a series of letters that Tolkien’s children received from “Father Christmas” between 1920 and 1943. This was very interesting, as a student of early fantasy writing and as someone with interest in different ideas of Santa. It is not, however, exciting to read. These letters were clearly never intended to be published. They were purely a gift from a father to his children, and while they are often elaborate and entertaining, there is very little in the way of plot here. Plus we are only getting half the story, as Father Christmas often thanks the children for their letters or answers their questions. The time and skill involved in creating these mementos is obvious. Most letters came with an enclosed drawing, all reprinted in lovely color here. As more characters were introduced over the years, they developed their own writing styles. Happily, the text is transcribed for ease of

Marvel Holiday Special (1991) Various Writers and Artists, including Scott Lobdell, Walter Simonson, Dave Cockrum, and many more. There are eight short pieces in this double-size special, plus a selection of art pieces. Some I think might have been reprints, but it’s unclear. They’re a mixed bag, overall. The X-men story is rushed and strange, the Fantastic Four one is kinda nice and kinda heavy-handed. There’s a short Punisher piece with a nice melancholy tone, and a corny-fun Thor piece which is quite explicit about the Asgardians’ roles as gods, and Odin’s connection to Santa. After that is a sweet little story about Captain America meeting Bucky’s elderly sister, and a zany tale about a blind kid who mistakes Ghost Rider for Santa. There’s some badly written Marvel-themed lyrics to be sung to the tunes of various carols, and a farce about Captain Ultra (yeah, I don’t know who he is either.) The issue closes out with a piece about Spiderman visiting a children’s hospital over

A Christmas Journey Anne Perry, 2003 Premise: A bunch of rich snobs drive a young lady to suicide at a Christmas party and then make another lady travel to Scotland because she feels guilty. What in the hell did I just read? It wasn’t a romance. It wasn’t suspense. It barely had a plot. I guess it’s tepid historical fiction? It was really odd. I liked the beginning, I thought maybe it was going somewhere. I liked that the main character’s name was Vespasia, that’s dramatic even just to read. However, as the insignificant details mounted, and discoveries came to light about a character who really got very little page time prior to her death, I just couldn’t bring myself to care. There were some almost okay parts where Vespasia reflects on her friendship with Isobel and how it brought them both to the back end of Scotland in the dead of winter (to carry the news of the deceased young lady to her mother). But sadly, most of it was just navel-gazing. Boring navel-gazing. Vesp

I sat down with Glenn Beck's famous Christmas story expecting to hate it. I started with low expectations - possibly some of the lowest I've ever had for anything, ever. But then something unexpected happened: something that can only be called a Christmas miracle: I hated it even more than I thought I would. The story of "The Christmas Sweater" is loosely based on Beck's childhood. The introduction seems like it's intended to mislead you into thinking it's a true story, but it's almost immediately obvious that's not the case. To be fair, Beck includes a section at the end offering a quick overview of what's true (the name of his parents' bakery) and what's BS (pretty much everything else). There's a lot to hate about this. The humorous bits aren't actually funny, the characters don't come close to feeling real, the last 99% of the story drags, and the writing's about as bland as fiction can get. But, more t

Manga Claus: The Blade of Kringle Writing: Nathaniel, Marunas, Art: Erik Craddock, 2006 Premise: One small disgruntled elf plus a large amount of black magic spells trouble for the North Pole. Can even his magic swords help Santa save Christmas now? This was an odd, cute little book. The art was fun, and the story was silly. The beginning was probably the best part, and I wish it had been a story about Santa just hanging out in feudal Japan. I really wanted to like this more; it seems like a cute idea and one of the creators thanked a (sadly now-gone) comic store I’m rather fond of. But it wasn’t great, just fine. The evil magic teddies were cool. The larger plotline of the elf messing with magic worked at times, but the resolution felt really wrong to me. I just don’t have much more to say about this. It was really short.