Fox News Discusses Santa

In what may be the single greatest Fox News clip ever recorded, Megyn Kelly hosts a frank discussion about race with a bunch of white people. This video is required viewing:

To recap, Jesus and Santa Claus are historical figures. And they were white. This actually contradicts the prevailing view that Jesus's precise ethnicity is unknown (though probably not "white") and Santa Claus is a mythical being representing an amalgamation of figures from folklore, as well as stories about a fourth-century bishop.

But according to Kelly, both are historic figures, both are white, and this is a "verifiable fact."

Break out the champagne, people, because this is the best news we could have hoped for. You see, there's only one way she could possibly be that certain about Jesus's skin color: time-travel must have been invented.

That's right. Time travel.

Because no self-respecting journalist - really, no human with even a shred of integrity - would ever say something like that unless they'd already gone back and checked. We can only assume Kelly's interview with Jesus in the Judaean Desert will air soon. I hope she asked some tough questions about the Psalms!

Of course, I'm even more excited by the news that Santa Claus is a verifiable historical figure. I'm not sure why she's so preoccupied with his race, through. I mean, the mere fact that he was a living, breathing elf makes his skin color kind of irrelevant.