Mainlining Christmas

Snowy winterscape. Christmas music. Shot of a cathedral. Repeat for an hour. Neither Lindsay nor I recall adding this to our Netflix queue, but somehow it got on there. Maybe it just migrated its way on or something. It's difficult to imagine either of us intentionally putting it there. Regardless, it arrived at our home, so we watched it. It was, first and foremost, kind of boring. It wasn't bad, of course. It just wasn't anything more than what it was. And what it was can be accurately described in the fragment-filled opening paragraph of this review. There was essentially no substance - it was music and video; that's all. For what it's worth, the music was good. Though the subtitles were pretty awful. "Wast"? Really? And here I always thought the past tense of "was" was "was". The video was good, by which I mean it was pretty. Lots of snowy streets, trees covered in snow, frozen lakes that were coated in snow, churches ad

This year, I am taking on The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries , a 674 page tome containing 59 individual stories about the Christmas season. Conveniently, it’s broken up into blog-post sized sections. For today I’ve read sections seven and eight. (Section  1 ,  2 ,  3 & 4 ,  5 ) A Surprising Little Christmas Noel, Noel , Barry Perowne - The long build up was kind of dull for the okay punchline. Death on Christmas Eve , Stanley Ellin - A more interesting twist here, it colors the whole story before. The Chinese Apple , Joseph Shearing - Fine, a bit obvious. These three stories each end in what amounts to a punch line. "Noel, Noel" is told by a man learning the story of what his good-for-nothing brother, Noel, did with his life. It’s fine. Not really a mystery. "The Chinese Apple" has a twist that I saw coming a mile off. "Death on Christmas Eve" was a bit more interesting. It follows a lawyer called to a house. A brother and sister live t

Between now and Christmas, we'll be posting a "Nerdtivity" scene every night at midnight. Tonight, we're presenting this portrayal of the construction of the robot Savior who kills for his own sins. Futurama fans will of course recognize this scene as being set in Mexico. By the way, the contest for best Nerdtivity has entered the "audience voting" phase. You can view all the pictures and  vote for your favorite here . Once you've looked at the options, just scroll to the bottom and comment with the number for your pick. Our entry, Away Team in a Manger, is #26.

I haven't seen very many episodes of The Brady Bunch , but from the little I remember, A Very Brady Christmas managed to capture the stone and style of the show perfectly. Incidentally, I believe the previous sentence ranks among the all-time most condemning insults I've ever lobbed in a review for this blog. It should be noted that this was produced in 1988, which was about nineteen years after the series had started. By this time, the Bradys had actually expanded into something of a cinematic Universe. Most of the kids had gotten married in earlier reunions and spin-off series, opening up a whole new generation of cloying Brady children. The best description for the plot is that of a blender. What little story exists does so in brief, unrelated chunks. The impetus for the reunion revolves around Mike and Carol Brady trying to surprise each other with a Christmas vacation. The special sets this up as a potential major plot point, before defusing the tension in a scene a

The stop motion characters were capably animated, and the minimalist theatrical backgrounds served as a strong connection to the special's Broadway connections. Likewise, the cast was good - it was great hearing Ed Asner reprise his role as Santa, and (as is so often the case) I didn't even realize I was listening to Mark Hamill as Buddy's father. The music, while somewhat mixed, included at least one great song, which opened the special. Yes, this was made by talented people. And that's the tragedy. Because they wasted their goddamn time on a soulless special that systematically guts everything substantive from a great Christmas movie. Buddy's Musical Christmas seems to be primarily based on the Broadway musical, which I've never seen. Based on the fact it was well received, I have to believe it was better than this. The music was pulled from the show, though I'm guessing most of the songs were truncated. The best of the songs was aforementioned openi

There were three things about this that appealed to us. First, it was a Christmas toy. Second, it was cheap. And third, it was just about the dumbest thing we've seen since buying these . Let's start with the demo feature. This is, of course, what we experienced in the store. For those who'd rather not subject themselves to the horror, when you hit a large red button on the toy speakers the moose is sitting on, the whole thing starts blaring "Up on the Rooftop" while the stuffed animal starts bobbing back and forth. An announcer than tries to sell you on this action: play your own music, and the moose will groove to it! The speaker is surprisingly loud, which is kind of shocking since, the minute you pull that tab out of the back, it's effectively dead. All sound effects beyond the cold grinding of its motor are exclusively used in the demonstration. Its normal play mode is kind of boring in comparison. Its function is extremely specific. If

Oh man, The Partridge Family . I’ve had sort of a lingering urge to see The Partridge Family again since Shirley Jones appeared in style on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me last year. I hope you enjoyed that, because this episode was not what I would call a winner. If you’re blissfully unaware, The Partridge Family was a sitcom about a single mother with five kids who become a traveling musical act to support their family. So the episode opens with, what else, a song. And it’s not bad. I mean, none of the people on film are singing, but the song is just a corny 70’s pop version of a holiday tune. The family packs up after this gig and is headed home for Christmas. In an unlikely turn of events, their bus breaks down in a Hollywood backlot . Sorry, I meant a ghost town, complete with one picturesque local living alone with a donkey. The donkey’s only in one scene. Maybe his agent was a good negotiator. So they can’t get help, and the old guy invites the mom and young kids insid