Mainlining Christmas

Last January, I found myself in a Toys R Us, which isn't all that unusual for me (that's where you find all the toys, after all). I came across a bin of discounted merchandise, including a handful of Christmas items. One of them was a bizarre looking game called "Rooftop Drop" branded as part of Hallmark's Northpole line. It had a sticker reading $9.99 on it, but I was skeptical - it was too long past the holiday, and things have a tendency of getting marked down in the system without being updated on the packaging. So I took it over to a price-check machine to see how much it was actually going for. It was $0.03. Assuming the $10 price tag was accurate, that means this was approximately 99.7% off. There's some flavor text on the box to make this more appealing. The game rules are spelled out in their entirety on the back of the packaging: there are no rules beyond the scoring guidelines. I'm not saying that means it's legal to bludgeon an op...

It's a competitive race, but "Last Christmas" has at least got to be in the running as the least rational, most bizarre episode of Doctor Who produced since the show was restarted in 2005. It's essentially a mashup of Aliens, Inception, and The Thing. With Santa Claus. The Jolly Old Elf is played by Nick Frost, who might be the single best named actor to ever take on the role. He does a fantastic job with it, too, embracing the absurdity of a fantasy character showing up on a science fiction show. The opening focuses on Clara, still grieving, rushing to her roof to investigate a loud crash. She discovers Santa Claus and two elves trying to corral their flying reindeer. The TARDIS shows up in the middle of this, and The Doctor appears to trade barbs with Santa before taking Clara away. They soon arrive at the North Pole, where they discover a group of scientists dealing with an alien outbreak. The aliens, called Dream Crabs, are drawn to people who are thinking...

The first thing to know about this television special from New Zealand is that it is poorly punctuated. As there are multiple monsters whose Christmas is at stake, it should properly be The Monsters' Christmas. Well, perhaps that's really the second thing. Perhaps the first thing to know about it is that not a single member of the cast has enough of a resume to have a photo next to their name on IMDB. Or perhaps it is that, according to the production/distribution company, the film was "written and planned as a location film." Or that it features most of its actors in full body monster costumes that are... really not that bad for television in the 80's, I guess? But really, the main thing you need to know is that this might be, minute-for-minute, the weirdest thing I've ever seen. It opens with a scene that implies a level of horror and suspense that the movie never reaches again. A little girl is reading a picture book to her teddy bear while SO...

Lindsay and I stumbled across this during a recent trip to the Disney Store. It's a relatively new addition to an old line of plastic figurine sets. They've produced these for dozens of different properties: everything from classic movies, Pixar films,  Phineas and Ferb , Marvel, and Star Wars has been produced. Obviously, this one is based on the  classic Disney Christmas special  of the same name. It's one of the best nontraditional Scrooge adaptations out there. Actually, it's better than most traditional ones, too. The packaging is nicely decorated in bright, holiday colors. The candy-cane lane backdrop certainly wasn't in the special, but it does a nice job showcasing the toys. This set comes with six figurines (seven if you count the Scrooge/Tiny Tim display as two). Their heights vary a little from figure to figure, but they're about three inches tall. The poses selected are uniformly good, capturing the essence of characters and moments from the ...

I don't think I can come up with a better way to start describing this episode than to quote Erin: "Now I remember why I didn't watch more Quantum Leap." Quantum Leap, for anyone who doesn't know, was a fairly ambitious show with a premise that is somehow both over- and under-explained. The main character, Sam, 'leaps' through time, but only within his lifespan. He inhabits the body of another person, and helps fix something about their lives. He is helped in this by a Al, guy with a high-tech remote control computer that allows him to project himself to whenever the main guy is and provide advice and guidance, like Jiminy Cricket in an ugly 80's suit. The downside is that it seems all this intriguing sci-fi set-up is just in the service of overblown melodrama. In this episode, Sam leaps into the body of the butler of a super-rich development mogul on Christmas Eve. Raise your hand if you already know it's the plot of A Christmas Carol agai...

Yet another solid Doctor Who Christmas special, The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe tells the story of the Doctor's interactions with a family at Christmas. Or, more accurately, at two Christmases. The episode opens with a quick Star Wars homage, revealing a massive warship orbiting Earth. Right as it's about to open fire, something seemingly goes wrong and an explosion cuts it in half. What's gone wrong, of course, is the Doctor, who's still on board and fleeing the blast. He survives by catching a space suit while being blown through space and putting it on as he plummets towards Earth. This sequence is the low-point of the episode. It was a cool idea, but something was off in the pacing leading to the explosion: we really needed a few more seconds to accept this as a potential threat before the punchline. Likewise, the Doctor's leap through space was a little too cartoonish, even compared to the comic-book shenanigans that typically permeate this series....

Aww, Sofia. I wanted you to be fun. I wanted you to be clever. I like the idea of a Ur-princess narrative. But you were only sticky-sweet and not-too-terrible. Sofia the First is an animated series from Disney Junior, about a girl whose mother marries into the royal family of a fairy-tale kingdom. According to Wikipedia, she is the bearer of a mystic amulet that connects her to advice from other Disney princesses. In this episode, we're introduced to their traditional winter-gift-giving holiday: Wassailia! It's a fairly simple fantasy Christmas. There are presents, decorated evergreen trees, and traditional foods. The most prominent point unique to Wassailia is the lighting of a special candle in honor of the season that...it's not quite clear, but it seems to bring blessings on the family. The kids (Sofia and her step-siblings James and Amber) sing about how they celebrate the holiday to open the episode. Sofia is excited for her first Wassailia in the castle, but ...