The Hand (1981)

The fact there's a 1981 psychological horror movie written and directed by Oliver Stone and starring Michael Caine that you've probably never heard of basically tells you everything you need to know. To its credit, the movie explores some important themes: toxic masculinity, misogyny, abuse, and projection make up a substantial part of the narrative and even more of the subtext. Unfortunately, the film itself is almost shockingly boring, and character decisions undermine the twist to the point of nullification. The movie spends its runtime dangling the question, "How much of this is real?" without giving us a reason to care. By the time the ending reveals the truth (and the inevitable post-script slaps an obligatory question mark on that reveal) I was just grateful the whole thing was over.

The premise, incidentally, centers around a comic writer (Jon, played by Michael Caine) who loses a hand in an automobile accident then comes to believe that hand has reanimated and is committing crimes. Is that actually happening? Is he simply hallucinating? Is he committing the murders, or are those just figments, as well?

Jon barely seems to care himself for most of the movie. He's more focused on his marital problems, which stem from the fact... well.. he's a horrible husband. His wife, Anne (Andrea Marcovicci, who - based on her IMDB page seems to have made a career out of stuff like this [pun not intended - she was in the 1985 movie, The Stuff]) was ready to leave him before the accident. She actually sticks around a little longer out of pity, but eventually Jon's descent into self-pity and emotionally abusive behavior drives them to take a break. He moves across the country to take a job teaching, while she stays in New York with their daughter. The plan is for them to join him, but... we'll get to that.

The teaching gig is of course because Jon's accident prevents him from illustrating his comic anymore. It's a sword & sorcery strip in the vein of Conan, whose personality and Nietzschean philosophy Jon absorbs over time. This is interesting in the abstract, as the movie's effectively asking us to consider the negative sides of these characters and the potentially dangerous example they set. Oliver Stone famously wrote an early, unused draft of a Conan script in the 1970s, so it's not surprising to see him exploring the archetype here.

Separated from his wife, Jon starts up an affair with a student. He learns she's planning on spending the holidays with another professor, becomes jealous, and she's killed by the hand. Or by him. The other professor meets an end the same way.

Jon's wife and daughter show up for Christmas, and Anne tells him she doesn't want to rekindle their marriage. She's become involved with someone, as well, and - once again - Jon is overcome with jealousy. By now, he hates Anne, but he still loves his daughter, who Anne is planning on taking with her.

The Hand attacks Anne in bed and nearly kills her. Jon runs in and sees it leap through a window. He chases it into the garage and fights the supernatural entity, eventually losing as it strangles him. He wakes to find his own hand (the one attached, I mean) gripping his neck as the police look down at him. A search of his car reveals the bodies of the murdered student and professor in the trunk. Jon's taken to an institution, where a psychologist explains how he had a mental breakdown and committed the crimes while hallucinating the hand was responsible. But then she's apparently killed by the hand, so... whatever.

Generic twist ending notwithstanding, the implication is generally leaning towards some blend of "Jon's committing the crimes during blackouts" and "it doesn't matter." That second part - that it doesn't matter - winds up making the stronger case... just not in the way Stone intended. Between the movie's pacing issues and Jon being aggressively unlikable while dominating the focus, there's just not enough to make us care one way or another. The idea that the supernatural elements are in his head isn't upsetting, because - frankly - he's a dick from the start. So ultimately the reveal is that the subconscious of this asshole is also a total asshole. There's a reason Hitchcock made the Norman Bates persona meek and gentle: otherwise, there's no tension to the reveal. Jon's who he seemed to be: that's realistic but not dramatically compelling.

Let's talk Christmas. Or let's try to, because there's just not a lot here. The holidays do occupy a substantial portion of the runtime - roughly thirty-five or forty minutes, which works out to around 40%. And that's used for plot, justifying characters running off on vacations, the family getting together, and so on... but I'm not sure it's used for much else. The Hand murders Jon's student under a Christmas tree, which is shot using the holiday lights in a creepy fashion. There's also a gift originally intended for her that winds up going to Anne, which... doesn't really add up to much, aside from attempting to rachet up the creepiness factor. Likewise, there's a gift exchange which Jon views as a competition with Anne for their daughter's love.

In short, the holidays are treated as somewhat inherently creepy by the film, rather than a counterpoint to the horror. I'm not sure if Oliver Stone was trying to tie any of this into the Christmas ghost story tradition, but - intentional or not - it certainly checks off the trope.

The incidental connections with Michael Caine are almost more interesting, however. Six years later, Caine would also go on to appear in Jaws: The Revenge, a legendarily bad sequel partially set during the holidays (I'm no fan of either, but between the two Jaws: The Revenge is less boring). And of course he'd also play Scrooge in The Muppet Christmas Carol.

In addition to some solid themes, The Hand also boasts some nice (if a bit uneven) cinematography. In particular, there are a handful (this pun not intended either) of sequences where the movie shifts into black and white that are kind of neat. Marcovicci does good work as Anne, making it unfortunate the movie's POV is centered on the wrong character. Beyond those merits, there's just not much here worth celebrating. The pacing is far too slow, the tone too self-serious, and the story just isn't compelling. Despite being made by a legendary filmmaker and starring the great Michael Caine, this was effectively buried and forgotten. Turns out, there's a very good reason for that.