Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009)
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It's also surprising in a number of respects. This is a far more faithful retelling of A Christmas Carol than I'd ever have expected given the premise. It incorporates elements of the story and characters, mostly in clever and subtle ways (though I could have done without the "What day is it" callback gag near the end).
That's the "better" side of the "better or worse" clause. While the Christmas Carol stuff is mostly good, the romantic comedy aspects are dated and offensive. It's a movie that pretends at being feminist to distract from a fixation on the male gaze and a story repurposed to excuse misogynistic behavior. The movie's framing of its Scrooge analogue directly contradicts its stated themes, which are impossible to take at face value in the context of the film. It jumbles conflicting depictions of women, sexual politics, and morality in ways that obfuscate what's a joke and what's serious... and I get the feeling the writers and director - men, of course - were less than sincere about the movie's surface-level message.
It would be easy to write the movie off for that reason alone, and if that's your takeaway, I think it's a reasonable one. But the way aspects of A Christmas Carol's narrative and cinematic history are interwoven is interesting, the movie is full of fantastic comedic performances from a cast including far more women than men, and it's all cut together into an effective comedy.
Does that make it good? Bad? Both? Depends what you're looking for, what you're willing to tolerate, and how forgiving you are.
Let's talk story, which in this case means the ways the narrative both is and is not a retelling of A Christmas Carol. On the surface, Connor (Matthew McConaughey) seems like the polar opposite of Ebenezer Scrooge: he's a young, attractive, and sociable world-renowned photographer who works with (and dates) models by the dozen. But we quickly learn his relationships are brief affairs. Connor doesn't believe in love as a concept, just as Scrooge didn't believe in generosity. Connor pursues only sex and looks down on those who believe in monogamy and marriage. In short, it's his emotions - love, in particular - he's unwilling to share with the world, rather than money. He sleeps with women, who are drawn to him for unexplained reasons, then discards them with little concern for their emotions.
Instead of Christmas, the setting (at least in the present) is a wedding. His younger brother, Paul (Breckin Meyer), serves as a replacement for Scrooge's nephew, Fred. In addition, Paul also inherits a few faint aspects of Tiny Tim's story, as there's no direct parallel for that character. Paul is set to marry Sandra (Lacey Chabert, prior to becoming a Hallmark Christmas icon). Chabert, for my money, delivers one of the movie's two best comedic performances.
Filling in for Belle is Jenny (Jennifer Garner), the only woman Connor ever really loved. By coincidence, she's best friends with Sandra. She also retains feelings for Connor, but at least half those feelings are (understandably) violent in nature.
Instead of Jacob Marley, we have Connor's late, womanizing uncle, Wayne, played by Michael Douglas, who treats the movie as more of a slapstick than most of the cast. In addition to his role here, Wayne features in the past and present sections, the former through flashbacks and the latter by filling in during the transition sequence exploring the wider consequences of Connor's actions.
The Past takes the form (and personality) of Allison, who Connor lost his virginity to years earlier. We're never told whether Allison is alive or not, so this may or may not be her literal ghost. She's played by Emma Stone, if you were wondering who provided the other comedic performance tied for best. Like Douglas, Stone treats the role and movie like a slapstick: both seem to be channeling some of the energy of the spirits from Scrooged. Connor's history deviates from that of Scrooge's, though notably no more than I've seen some supposedly straightforward adaptations drift during this section. There's a great deal of time spent building out his history with Paul and Jenny. This section also features a nod to the procession of spirits Scrooge sees outside his window, here repurposed as a look at all the women he'd wronged.
The Spirit of the Present is Melanie (Noureen DeWulf), who doubles as the movie's Bob Cratchit, though she's certainly less meek and subservient than the character she's based on. At the start of the movie, she talks back to Connor and defies him when he crosses lines. She doesn't seem to be afraid of him, and the movie implies he needs her as an assistant more than she needs him as an employer. He doesn't come as a good boss anymore than he comes off as a good person, but the movie doesn't imply he's underpaying her or anything. She also doesn't have a family, though we see her hanging out with some women Connor dumped during the present section when she pulls double duty as a living character and spectral guide (the movie plays very fast and loose with what these "spirits" are, but that's part of the joke).
We also get some time with Paul's guests. Between Past and Present, Connor accidentally destroyed the wedding cake and revealed some information that was meant to be secret: that Paul slept with one of the bridesmaids years earlier. Before that gets to Sandra, Paul has a speech reminiscent of Fred's defense of Scrooge reminding them that Connor more or less raised him after their parents died and is the only family he has.
The sequence ends with a nod to the sequence at the end of Stave 3 where the original story becomes more symbolic and expressionistic. This is where Wayne returns and Connor experiences a storm revealed to be all the tears shed for him. I like how this moment explores the core idea - that people are connected in ways not immediately obvious, and our actions affect each other. I could do without the really dumb joke this bit ends on, but until then the moment is good.
The Future is a woman Connor doesn't recognize, played by Olga Maliouk (who seems to primarily be known for this role). We don't learn much about her - in keeping with the source material, the future is silent, though she shakes her head when asked if she's his girlfriend from the future. The future is perhaps a bit less grim than is typical for versions of this story. In a repurposed element from Scrooge's past, Jenny marries a man she meets at the wedding. This horrifies Connor, who insists Jenny is supposed to end up with him, which...
Okay, I might as well do this here. Obviously the movie ends with the two of them getting together (this is, after all, a romcom in addition to an unconventional retelling of A Christmas Carol), but it never really justifies that within Connor's arc. His issue is a failure to connect with the women around him and appreciate their needs and emotions. He's spent his life taking from women then discarding them when finished. The actual resolution of that arc wouldn't be a reconciliation with the woman who got away: it would be the acknowledgement that he has no right to her time and attention. He'll change into a better boyfriend by the end of this, but this sequence is a reminder he still believes Jenny is his, and the fact the movie allows this to stand is both narratively unsatisfying and morally disturbing.
Back to the plot. In the future, he also finds his brother is alone. After his wedding fell apart due to Connor revealing his infidelity, he eventually embraced Connor's belief that it's better to face life alone. Connor is horrified to see his brother as an old man with nothing and no one left. Paul is also the only one to attend Connor's funeral; the result of a life lived without love. The ghost shoves him in the coffin, and the ghosts of his girlfriends show up to shovel dirt on him.
Cue Stave 5. Connor wakes up and runs to the window. There's a brief (and somewhat obnoxious) joke around the "What day is it?" moment. Connor realizes there's time and rushes downstairs to find the wedding cancelled (due to his mistake) and Sandra on her way to the airport. Connor hops in his uncles old car and races after them, managing to reach them just in time. He then pours out his heart and convinces Sandra to come back. The wedding occurs, Connor delivers a moving speech, and Connor convinces Jenny to start a meaningful relationship (by promising to clear what could actually be the lowest bar I've ever seen one of these movies try to pass off as a meaningful payoff).
The end, more or less.
What the synopsis can't cover is how much effort went into melding the source material with the revamped premise. Connor's costumes are modern while evoking Scrooge's coat and outfit. Victorian elements are interspersed through the wedding venue. Even Connor's room mirrors that of Scrooge's from classic artwork and adaptations. When he grabs for something to jab at the first spirit, he winds up with a candlestick. The movie's score even hints at associated music (I'm fairly certain they're referencing How the Grinch Stole Christmas - another heavily reimagined spin on Scrooge - in one motif). There was time and thought poured into the history of A Christmas Carol here that's impressive to see. Among other things, this effectively demonstrates you can tell this story without Christmas, and that has value. Many adaptations inflate the importance Christmas has on the plot and Scrooge's motivation. The original mainly uses the holidays for thematic resonance, setting, mood, and ties to fantasy. Granted, "thematic resonance" is not an area this movie shines in - it certainly doesn't do justice to the original's political ideas (though, to be fair, it doesn't try). However, simply by existing it serves as a reminder A Christmas Carol uses Christmas as a catalyst to tell its story; that story isn't about Christmas. And as silly as Connor's anti-love philosophy is, I'd argue it's a more faithful update of Scrooge's original than the cloying "just hates Christmas" distillation some adaptations have used to avoid acknowledging ideas that are anti-capitalist in nature. Would all that have hit harder if Ghosts of Girlfriends Past had retained some of those messages? Sure. But even so, the "Christmas Carol without Christmas" aspect works.
It's the romance and associated themes that fall flat. This movie is far too generous towards its male characters. It jokes about Wayne and Connor being awful, but it frames their behavior as silly and mostly harmless. There's lip-service around hurt feelings, but little to no critique around toxic, manipulative, and emotionally abusive behavior. The movie's protagonist employs (and practically sings the virtues of) negging, which is depicted as effective. It tells us all this is ultimately unfulfilling, but that's after showing scores of models in underwear throw themselves at the lead while other men refer to him as a legend. It's a case where the cinematic language tells us one thing while the moral tells us another... and cinematic language is always louder.
Again, this review would be easier if the movie had simply, unambiguously been bad throughout, but that isn't the case. The jokes are largely good, the comedic timing works, Connor's relationship with his brother is well written, most of the Christmas Carol stuff is wonderful, the cast is great, it's well directed and shot (including some gorgeous, impressionistic sequences in the Future segment)... and so on and so forth.
How do you weigh that against disgusting, chauvinistic undertones, a central romance that flops, and the third of the jokes that are just... bad? I don't have a simple answer here. This movie is a mixed bag, through and through. If it helps, I don't think anything here is good enough to justify watching unless you're abnormally interested in A Christmas Carol. But if you are... you might want to see this. It's certainly interesting.
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