BREAKING: Christmas 2020 is NOT Cancelled (Yet)

It wasn't looking too good, was it? Halloween never materialized, and then Black Friday, the only holiday in November, was officially called off. Well, okay, technically it was moved to Zoom or something, but for all intents and purposes, this is a year without Black Friday.

Some of us thought that might include Christmas, too. Despite an unbroken record of annual festivities going back millennia, we began to wonder if maybe 2020 would be the "Year Without a Christmas" Rankin/Bass prophesized one thousand years ago.

We even held a referendum three weeks ago to see if there was still hope in the world. Things were looking bleak for a while (isn't that always the way?), but pending litigation, it looks like good's going to win out so we'll go ahead and assume Christmas is still in the cards. It'll have to be a small Christmas, limited to just your household, to be safe, but unlike some holidays I could name, there's no rule that says you need to go door-to-door or even door-to-doorbuster to celebrate right.

Just keep in mind, caroling is out of the question. And make sure you disinfect your chimney after Santa slides down. Really you should be doing that every year - God knows what that elf carries with him from house to house - but it's even more important in the middle of a pandemic.

And if Christmas is on, so is Mainlining. Well, sort of. Like last year, our output's going to be cut way down - think maybe a post a day, if you're good. We're also responsible for raising another generation of yuletide fanatic, after all, and that doesn't leave us with the time it used to.

But Christmas-lite is still Christmas, aspartame-plum fairy and all. We'll make sure the cheer is extra concentrated, so you don't feel too cheated. So let's all raise a glass of holiday... whatever you've got in the house... and toast Christmas.

And also to the downfall of Burgermeister Meisterburger. Seriously. That guy sucks.