Mainlining Christmas

My best five-word description of P2 is " Turbulence in a parking garage," which could almost pass for a complete review. There's very little substance in this horror/thriller, which hinges on its ability to create psychologically believably characters and create a convincing frightening scenario... but ultimately comes up just a little short on both counts. Decent production values, a solid performance from Rachel Nichols, and some well-meaning themes prevent this from being a total loss, but the movie's merits are overshadowed by its shortcomings to a degree that's hard to overstate. The premise is about as barebones as these things get: a woman is trapped in a parking garage on Christmas Eve by the attendant, who she discovers has been stalking her. The two of them are the only characters with more than a minute or two of screentime: this is by design a barebones story meant to focus on the attendant's psychosis and her reaction. But maybe the filmmakers re...

We reviewed this twelve years ago and at the time more or less agreed with the consensus that it's a good movie, slapped a recommendation on it, and moved on. We never mentioned The Three Godfathers, because at the time we'd never seen a single adaptation or read the book ( we've rectified that since ). At some point, I picked up a copy of the film on blu-ray and dropped it in the "rewatch this soon" pile of discs sitting beside my television. That was probably three or four years ago. Last night I popped it in, hit play, and discovered a few things. First, I discovered my memories of the movies were comically inaccurate. If you'd asked me to give you a brief rundown of the plot, I'd have given you a synopsis bearing absolutely no resemblance to anything after the first ten or fifteen minutes of this movie. Second - and related - I discovered it is not, in any meaningful way, an adaptation of The Three Godfathers, but rather inspired by that story (or m...

This is another in a long line of films straddling the line between "Christmas movie" and "has Christmas in it," to the point I'm torn which bucket to drop it in. The holiday sequences don't take up a significant portion of the runtime, and seasonal elements don't really permeate the movie in ways that make it feel particularly seasonable - I probably wouldn't recommend this specifically for holiday viewing, though I would recommend it as a movie. However, the holidays are referenced enough to signal the filmmakers considered them significant, and I have some thoughts on why that might be. In fact, the use of the holidays might be the one subtle thing in an otherwise fairly unsubtle dramedy. To clarify, I'm not describing the bulk of About a Boy as unsubtle as a criticism - I liked it quite a bit. But the movie as a whole is fairly upfront about the points it's making and the ideas it's playing with. For example, it's clear from the s...

I spent a significant amount of 'R Xmas's runtime trying to unravel what this was supposed to be. There's nothing inherently wrong with a movie refusing to adhere to the conventions of any one genre, but it's the kind of gamble that either pays off or falls flat. This one didn't pay off. Instead of building on various tropes to construct a film greater than the sum of its parts, this wound up landing in a sort of empty void between genres: not suspenseful enough to work as thriller, lacking characters interesting enough to function as a crime story or gangster flick, no real mystery coalescing around the bizarre events until we receive a logical if unsatisfying explanation... it's bizarre. In the end, this winds up feeling more like an odd drama masquerading as the genres above, and the drama here just isn't all that compelling. The movie tries to make a point about crime and government policy, but there wasn't much substance to what it was saying then a...

I've had this one on my watchlist for ages, but it never seemed to be streaming on services I was subscribed to. Netflix recently picked it up, so I figured late is better than never. If they'd started streaming it a bit earlier, I'd have included it in my October horror reviews, but I never said I'd review horror only during that month. At any rate, Wind Chill is a 2007 horror movie very much in the "Christmas ghost story" wheelhouse. There are times when I'm unsure if that was intentional, but this was produced through a British company, and if there's any country I trust to be conscious of that tradition, it's Great Britain. This one seems a bit divisive: I've seen it defended as one of the better Christmas horror offerings, and I've seen it dismissed as uninspired and dull. Unfortunately, I'm inclined to side with the latter group. For what it's worth, I suspect a lot of the difference in opinion is due to expectation. This was ...

I need you to understand, before I type another word, that this movie is not normal. That's not intended to imply that this is good or bad - it's my opinion Holiday in Handcuffs exists outside of such a simplistic dynamic. Likewise, I'm not going to retreat to "so bad it's good," as I don't think that's an accurate description of the movie. I submit this movie is, instead, best described as "fucking bizarre." First some background, at least to the limited degree background information is at all available. The movie was produced by "ABC Family," which was something of a competitor for Hallmark in the TV Christmas movie field during the first decade of the millennium, before Hallmark reached a point where calling other entities "competitors" is something of a misnomer. ABC Family tended to be a bit more PG than Hallmark - really, the movies I've seen from them are closer to what Netflix and other streamers are now puttin...

The cliche, "so bad it's good," doesn't begin to convey the unprecedented absurdity that is this movie, an experience so unique as to feel alien in its approach to human emotion and storytelling. The existence of this film defies easy explanation. It is blatantly a marketing exercise attempting to promote the brand of Thomas Kinkade, a producer on the film, that inexplicably features a cast including Peter O'Toole, Ed Asner, and Marcia Gay Harden, along with talented character actors such as Chris Elliott and Richard Moll. None of them are phoning this in, either - everyone involves pours their heart into this thing, and the result is almost indescribable. Visually, this pointedly is not stylized to look like one of Kinkade's Candylandesque dreamscapes. Instead, it aims for realism, invoking the style of 70s dramas. Director Michael Campus made a handful of well-regarded blaxspoitation films and seems to have reemerged from a thirty-two year hiatus to make Chr...

I'm betting this would be better known if it hadn't named itself after that particular song. Not that there's anything wrong with the 1970 holiday song; it's just that the last few decades have been filled with a barrage of movies with similar names. When you hear a movie is titled, "This Christmas," the song isn't what pops to mind, but rather movies like Last Christmas , That Christmas , The Holiday , along with God knows how many Hallmark movies. The title of This Christmas simply isn't memorable. That's somewhat true of the movie, as well, though I want to stress this isn't necessarily a flaw. This Christmas sets out to deliver a a relatively traditional Christmas movie experience: a dysfunctional family confronting the holidays, renewing their commitment to each other, and going into a new year with more faith and optimism than they had during the last. The template is boilerplate; the variation comes from a change in setting and character...

When I say "Nothing Like the Holidays" is a frustrating movie, it's not because the movie is bad (which it isn't). Bad movies are rarely frustrating, because you don't expect or necessarily want much from them beyond for them to end. Movies I find frustrating are those which have exceptional elements that make you root for them to succeed, only to watch as they fall short of greatness. In this case, the "exceptional elements" are first and foremost its cast, which is significantly more impressive than you'd expect from a movie in this subgenre and budget. Alfred Molina, Debra Messing, John Leguizamo, and Luis Guzmán are in this, along with a number of less well-known but also excellent actors. In addition, the movie manages to take a tired template - the dysfunctional family at Christmas - and adjust the setting and story elements just enough to occasionally surprise you. The selling point here, aside from the cast on their own merits, is that this i...

This is a 45-minute stop-motion special about an Australian outback tour operator accidentally trading places with Santa Claus. Based on the premise and a minor character with a heavy Australian accent, I assume this was produced for the Australian market, but I actually haven't been able to verify that. The production company behind the project is Canadian, the main voice actor is Australian, and the only firm information I can find on it playing anywhere pre-streaming is a French film festival. IMDB does list a release date of December 25, 2008 in Australia, but it seems odd for it to have been delayed three years if that was the *first* time it was seen outside of festivals. I swear, it used to be a lot easier to research this kind of stuff before AI turned the internet to crap. None of that reflects on the quality of the special, of course, but I'd like to at least know whether this is an Australian or Canadian special, whether it's popular anywhere, and so on and so fo...

In terms of holiday credentials, "Catch Me if You Can" is appropriately evasive. In a real sense, it both is and is not a Christmas movie: it leverages the holidays in interesting ways and returns to them throughout the movie, but the holidays don't shape the the tone, narrative, or theme the way they might in a romantic comedy or drama with a similar structure. They're a supporting player here and they clearly serve a purpose, but they're not the core of the movie, nor do they occupy the bulk of its runtime. But we'll get to that. First, this is based on the (allegedly) true story of Frank Abagnale, Jr., a conman and forger who wrote a popular (and suspect) autobiography about his life. But true or not, it makes for a gripping, funny, engaging adventure in the hands of one of the best directors of all time. Apparently 1941 didn't sour Steven Spielberg on Christmas forever, so here we are. The movie is driven forward by the various cons and tricks Frank (...

Until I saw some online discussion surrounding this recently, I hadn't realized it was an adaptation of A Christmas Carol. I'd never seen the movie and have no memory of the trailers - if I ever thought about the movie, I must have assumed it was a fairly typical romantic comedy with supernatural elements. Hell, until we expanded our purview five or so years ago, we wouldn't have considered this worth reviewing the blog at all (it explicitly is not  set at Christmas). But the Dickens connection here is significant and worth exploring, and - for better and worse - this is an interesting movie. It's also surprising in a number of respects. This is a far more faithful retelling of A Christmas Carol than I'd ever have expected given the premise. It incorporates elements of the story and characters, mostly in clever and subtle ways (though I could have done without the "What day is it" callback gag near the end). That's the "better" side of the ...