Mainlining Christmas

Okay, we'll start with the world's silliest spoiler warning, because this Christmas ghost story  technically  has a twist ending, but you probably already know what it is. No, really, regardless of whether you've even heard of this, without knowing the premise or anything about it aside from the fact it's got ghosts in it and it was made in 2003, the thing you're expecting is the thing it does, to the point I'm honestly unsure whether it was even intended as an actual twist, a meta-commentary on how common those became following the success of The Sixth Sense, or even a gimmick to ensure every single person in the audience gets an endorphin rush as their suspicions are confirmed. But, again, structurally the movie ends with a twist reveal and the bulk of the film is executed quite well, so... if you want to be surprised when it's revealed the near-collision at the start of the movie was actually a crash which killed all but one of the main characters, I reco...

I'll be arguing that You've Got Mail is, in fact, a Christmas movie and further that the movie implicitly tells us as much, despite simultaneously going out of its way not to set the bulk of its runtime on the holiday (at least not clearly), and further to obfuscate and play down the significance of holidays in general. However, from the perspective of a viewer, this is going to feel more like a movie with a few scenes around Christmas than anything you'd typically think of as a holiday movie, which is why I'll also be tagging this "Not Christmas." Its holiday connections aren't quite as much of a puzzle as, say, Alien: Covenant , but it's relationship with Christmas is more similar to that than, say, The Shop Around the Corner , despite being a loose remake of that film. It's worth noting that the majority of the runtime of The Shop Around the Corner isn't centered around Christmas, either, but that film concludes with the holiday, using assoc...

The last fifteen years has seen a number of attempts to adapt northern European Christmas folklore into horror. Rare Exports  gave us a version of the Yule Goat, both A Christmas Horror Story and  Krampus  (as well as numerous low-budget horror flicks) have played with the now iconic demon (though I'd argue the character in the latter more closely resembles the Yule Goat, but that's a subject for another time), and another installment in the aforementioned  A Christmas Horror Story  was inspired by the tomte (which is essentially another name for the nisse). And of course there's the Danish series, Nisser , which Netflix picked up and rebranded, "Elves." Looking further back, there's a strong case to be made that  Gremlins  was in part inspired by the same lore, albeit filtered through WWII stories and the mind of Roald Dahl. Regardless, put a pin in Gremlins, because we'll be circling back. There's Something in the Barn represents a somewhat mo...

Book Review: Everyone This Christmas Has a Secret Benjamin Stevenson, 2024 New Release! I received a copy of this book from Netgalley in return for an honest review.  This is a weird one. It's book three in a series, and I haven't read the others. However, I think the bigger factor here is that this book (and its series) is written in a particular style of extremely meta humor which... isn't for everyone. Ernie Cunningham was a mystery buff before his life turned into Murder, She Wrote. With two solved murders under his belt (and written into the previous books, which exist in the world of the story), he's beginning to get a reputation. Enter - the Christmas Special. (The prologue literally has the narrator say that this is a Christmas special.) It's the lead up to Christmas, and he's traveling to see a magician do a holiday benefit show, because the CEO of the nonprofit the benefit is for was murdered, and Ernie's ex-wife (currently the nonprofit guy's ...

Bordering on self-parody to the point I'm not entirely certain what was and wasn't intentional, "I, the Jury" might be the most Christmas noir movie I've come across to date. From start to end, this wants you to know it's set during the holidays. As for noir, it encapsulates the style, tone, and tropes of the quasi-genre to the point of absurdity. The movie lacks subtlety to the point it honestly feels closer to the sort of parody or homage you'd see in a TV sitcom dream sequence about a cynical private eye surrounded (and I do mean surrounded ) by femme fatales. None of that is inherently good or bad, depending on what you're in the mood for. More accurately, it's not enjoyable or unenjoyable: the writing, acting, and directing is all pretty bad here (though the cinematography and set design is quite good). If cheesy noir mystery sounds like a fun way to spend your evening, this absolutely delivers that experience. Dissecting how this came to be d...

Describing Come to the Stable as a comedy doesn't quite convey the tone of this lighthearted, charming film about two nuns from a French convent traveling to the town of Bethlehem (the one in New England, mind you, not the famous one) on a mission to repay a debt to God by building a children's hospital. This thing is whimsical, with sensibilities more in line with a cartoon's than a straightforward comedy. Think a 40s take on Phineas and Ferb where the main characters are sisters instead of brothers, and where "sister" is an official designation. The Phineas and Ferb comparison is more apt than you'd think. For one thing, the nuns aren't really given strong character arcs of their own, but instead serve as catalysts for other characters' arcs. To be clear, this isn't a flaw: contrary to what a distressingly large number of internet commentators (as well as an even more distressingly large number of Hollywood producers) have come to believe, not ev...

I'm not sure how this one snuck by me two years ago. I don't recall having heard of it once before buzz around the sequel put it on my radar. Then again, maybe I just glossed over it at the time, assuming that whatever it was, it wasn't worth my time. By design, this movie - and make no mistake, it is a feature-length horror/comedy movie - was designed to fly under the radar and build on word-of-mouth. Ideally, that and a recommendation are enough to pique your interest. If so... just go watch it. Need a little more encouragement? The closest things I can compare this to are John Dies at the End and Twin Peaks. Especially Twin Peaks. This thing has Twin Peaks energy spilling out of its fireplace. If either or both of those are things that appeal to you, there's a good chance you're going to be pleasantly surprised by this gonzo production. "Gonzo" is the right word, too. This was greenlit by Adult Swim and financed through a slush fund to keep higher-ranki...