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Showing posts with the label 2023

Journey to Bethlehem (2023)

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A musical retelling of the New Testament that feels like a mashup of Bollywood and the Star Wars prequels should be more fun than this. To be fair, there's still some fun here, but we're talking "Disney Channel original" with improved production values fun, not Chronicles of Riddick-level fun (despite Herod's soldiers' armor kind of looking like that of the Necromongers). It's bizarre, bordering on so-bad-it's-good, and may even cross that line, depending on your inclinations towards cheesy teen musicals. Because, to be clear, that's what this is. Hell, it's what it's going for! The movie, directed (and co-written and bunch of other stuff) by music producer Adam Anders, is aimed at teens, and the central message of the thing is "Mary and Joseph were just like you!" Well, that and variations on "you can make a difference, too," "you're part of God's plan," and "shut up and have babies." Okay, t...

There's Something in the Barn (2023)

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The last fifteen years has seen a number of attempts to adapt northern European Christmas folklore into horror. Rare Exports  gave us a version of the Yule Goat, both A Christmas Horror Story and  Krampus  (as well as numerous low-budget horror flicks) have played with the now iconic demon (though I'd argue the character in the latter more closely resembles the Yule Goat, but that's a subject for another time), and another installment in the aforementioned  A Christmas Horror Story  was inspired by the tomte (which is essentially another name for the nisse). And of course there's the Danish series, Nisser , which Netflix picked up and rebranded, "Elves." Looking further back, there's a strong case to be made that  Gremlins  was in part inspired by the same lore, albeit filtered through WWII stories and the mind of Roald Dahl. Regardless, put a pin in Gremlins, because we'll be circling back. There's Something in the Barn represents a somewhat mo...

Silent Night (2023)

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I've seen at least three genre films titled "Silent Night", and none were what I'd call a slam dunk. This comes closest, between John Woo's stylish direction, a clever gimmick, and an impressive performance from Joel Kinnaman - it's by no means a bad revenge flick, but the elements making this distinct don't overcome the ones making it feel generic. Specifically, the movie's sparce use of dialogue doesn't have the intended effect, so you're left feeling like the film is incomplete. That's the gimmick, by the way: this has essentially no dialogue other than radio transmissions and video clips watched and heard by characters in the movie. I actually think this would have worked better if they'd found ways to cut those as well - the handful of spoken words we hear don't add much and water down the effect. It's not that I found myself missing the dialogue itself - if there's one thing this movie succeeds in, it's demonstrati...

Toy Review: Fresh Monkey Fiction Naughty or Nice, Wave 2: Father Frost

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To recap, I've been looking at several figures from the second wave of Fresh Monkey Fiction's "Naughty or Nice" action figures. Today, I'll be talking about the figure I was most excited about: Father Frost. Does it live up to the hype? Read the rest of the review to find out!  Wait. I hate when reviews pull that shit. The answer is, "mostly." The figure's pretty goddamn great, with a couple minor caveats. First, let's talk a little about who this guy is. Father Frost is a Russian midwinter figure best known to American audiences as the inspiration behind the Winter Warlock in the Rankin/Bass special, Santa Claus is Coming to Town , though the Russian film, Morozko , features a much more authentic version of the character. Both takes on the character seem to get nods in the accessories of this version, though it's fundamentally a new spin on the character. As you'd expect, the figure's body (and several of his accessories) are reused ...

Werewolf Santa (2023)

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Similar to Two Front Teeth , Werewolf Santa is a (very) low budget comedy/horror production with a premise designed to attract attention. And also similar to Two Front Teeth, this doesn't manage to overcome its limitations, making it more of an oddity than a "real" movie. Despite a handful of elements deserving praise, this isn't worth tracking down unless you're a huge fan of ultra low budget, tongue-in-cheek genre flicks. That's a long way of saying it's not bad for what it is, but what it is, ultimately, is already kind of bad. That being said, I want to acknowledge that this is absolutely a case where I was not watching the movie the way it was almost certainly intended to be watched, which in this case means "high." The movie lampshades this in the opening minutes and later uses marijuana as either a plot point or a throwaway joke, depending on how generous you're feeling (Were-Santa consumes edibles early on, which give him the munchies...

What If...? Season 2: What If... Happy Hogan Saved Christmas? (2023)

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At the time I'm writing this, I'm six episodes into season 2 of "What If...?" and my largest takeaway might be that Disney bullocked the release of this season majorly. The first season, you may recall, felt like an event: it was treated like a significant series, episodes were released weekly, and it was widely discussed. The second season, in contrast, feels closer to the release of those Groot shorts: I doubt most subscribers of Disney+ even realize the show dropped one a day over Christmas. And that's kind of a shame because, with the exception of a couple lackluster episodes, the first six installments of this season might be better on average than those in season one. The bad news for our purposes is I'm counting the one we're here to discuss among those "lackluster episodes." Released on December 24th, "What If Happy Hogan Saved Christmas?" is basically what you'd expect: a holiday action/comedy homage to Die Hard centered ar...

The Sacrifice Game (2023)

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We're going to start this off with a combination spoiler and content warning, because I absolutely loved this movie, it's packed with twists and surprises you're better off not knowing about, and it's also got some extremely disturbing sequences some of you probably are better off being aware of before deciding whether to see it. If gore and violence are dealbreakers for you, this might be worth avoiding, or at the very least holding off until someone who knows your precise limits can advise you on whether it's worth proceeding. However, if you're able to handle a handful of brutal moments, the payoffs here are plentiful, and - again - better if you don't know what's coming. So if you enjoy horror, dark fantasy, or anything of the sort, please stop reading now if that warning didn't scare you off. This is one of the rare incidences where it actually matters. The Sacrifice Game is sort of a nesting doll of genres, twists, and ideas. It lets you in on ...

The Holdovers (2023)

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Sometimes I'll say a movie doesn't have much of a plot, or that it's not driven by its story. In most cases, I'm lying: the movie has a plot, it's just that said plot is driven primarily by subtle character interactions and developments that are both difficult to remember and even more difficult to recap. In other words, I'm really saying the movie's plot isn't defined by external story beats but internal growth. The Holdovers is one such film. I'm spelling that all out, because I don't want to give the impression that very little occurs in the course of the movie, or that there's anything less than fantastic about the writing. This is an amazing movie, and it deserves the accolades it's received. But it's also a subtle movie, which means it's a pain in the ass to actually describe the plot, so don't expect more than a vague overview this time. The premise centers around two or three characters, depending on which side of the ...

A Biltmore Christmas (2023)

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Fairly high concept for a Hallmark movie, this is about a screenwriter scripting a remake of a classic Hollywood Christmas movie getting magically transported back to the production of said movie in 1947 and falling in love with its tragically doomed star. If all that sounds a tad over-ambitious for a studio known for cranking out relatively uniform (but surprisingly high-quality) low-budget television movies... well... that is an issue here. While A Biltmore Christmas is decent, it's clear they're biting off a bit more than they can chew. Watching, you can tell everyone involved is putting in real effort, but you can see where they just didn't have the time to set up complex shots, learn more than surface-level impersonations of characters from classic Hollywood films, or nail the look and feel of the era they were emulating. I don't think any of that is necessarily a dealbreaker, depending on what you want out of this. This is, after all, a TV Christmas movie, and in ...

Round and Round (2023)

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Last year we made time to review a decent number of Hallmark holiday movies and found the recent entries quite a bit better on average than we expected. The best of the bunch was Hanukkah on Rye , a delightful classic romantic comedy I found funny and sweet. The movie received a bit of backlash due to what some viewers felt were stereotypes  but otherwise seemed to be well received, so it's not too surprising to see a new entry this year. What is surprising is the premise: rather than play it safe with another straightforward romcom, Round and Round is a time loop movie in the vein of Groundhog Day or Palm Springs, both of which are namechecked and discussed by characters in Round and Round as they try to figure out the temporal disturbance at the movie's core. I'll cut to the chase and reveal I don't think Round and Round is in quite the same league as its predecessor, but it's nevertheless a solid TV movie and - largely by default - probably the second-best Hanukk...