Mainlining Christmas

For a variety of reasons, it's been a while since I last reviewed a toy. We really don't have room for me to collect the way I used to, the blog's focus shifted more towards movies, and - frankly - after a while, I felt like I was repeating the same basic descriptions I'd written a thousand times before. Also, we rarely saw much interest in those posts relative to the time it took to write them. That's why you don't see reviews of random toys the way you used to in the early years of this blog. However, once in a while something special comes along. And that brings us to the "Naughty or Nice" line from Fresh Monkey Fiction. Don't feel bad if you've never heard of them - I hadn't either before these showed up on preorder a couple years ago. As far as I've been able to piece together, they're a small toy company specializing in original creations. And most importantly, they're the company that finally realized there'd be a mar

Three Holidays and a Wedding Uzma Jalaluddin and Marissa Stapley, 2023 New Release! A copy of this book was provided by Netgalley for the purpose of review.  I joke sometimes about how modern romance novels of a certain type are more movie pitches than books. This one definitely started out that way, but by the end, it was at least a corny movie I think I'd enjoy. I guess the authors know what they're doing there, both have had projects optioned for film or TV according to the bios in the back.  In the first chapter, we meet Anna. Anna is ready for her perfect Christmas with her boyfriend's perfect family, she has to be. Otherwise her perfect boyfriend's perfect family won't be happy if everything doesn't go perfectly.  If you guessed that Anna's boyfriend is like a parody of "the guy who is bad for our heroine," you'd be right. But after a whole scene of me wincing at everything he says, he leaves ahead of her because she has to complete a wor

This fifteen-minute film tells a story about conjoined homes housing two families, the Giltons and the Biltons. The Giltons have no children but are well off financially. Mr. Gilton is curmudgeonly and selfish, though his wife seems nice enough. The Biltons, in contrast, have three kids and are relatively happy, but they are poor and struggle to make ends meet. So, yeah, we're doing a Scrooge riff, minus the ghosts.  Anyway, the film takes us through a number of brief interactions, the first few show us that Mr. Gilton is a dick. He does have a dog, though, so I guess he's not all bad. Correction: he had a dog - it gets poisoned pretty quick. We never actually learn how the dog got poisoned, and the sparse use of title cards makes it difficult to tell exactly what's going on. My impression is that Gilton suspects his neighbors were somehow responsible, though it's a safe bet they're innocent (they're pretty much paragons of virtue; besides, they liked the dog).

We don't cover many random sitcom episodes anymore, but this one has been on my list for a while. This isn't a case of a childhood memory for either of us or a show that someone recommended: this is an episode I saw on a Wikipedia list of Christmas episodes, and I said, "Wait, there was a show with WHAT premise?"  Someone finally uploaded it to YouTube, so I was able to watch it.  An overall note: if, like me, you flinch at characters embarrassing themselves and constant, loud laugh tracks make you wince... maybe brace yourself before you try this one. The Charmings was a short-lived sitcom in the late '80s about Snow White and her family (along with one of the seven dwarfs and her wicked mom) magically getting zapped to modern-day California and having to adjust to life there. Presumably this was pitched as similar to fish-out-of-water shows like Mork and Mindy. I thought it would be more of a secret-identity-in-the-suburbs show like Bewitched, but they don't

Sitting right on the overlapping portions of a Venn diagram encompassing things that are "very good" and "completely insufferable," the new Apple TV+ live-action/animation hybrid special (they're trying to sell it as a movie, but don't be fooled) feels like the sort of thing that would be divisive if it were streaming on a platform more people actually used. The book this is based on meant a lot to me growing up, though I was a bit taken aback by some of the subtext rereading it now, which comes off as a bit ableist. This is of course far from the first adaptation of the classic children's book, though it's the first I remember encountering that qualifies as Christmas media under most definitions of the term. While you could make a case that the original is incorporating a trope in which a special Christmas present comes to life, Christmas is basically an afterthought in the book, compared with - say - a similar idea forming the backbone of The Nutcr

Aside from a short bit at the end (more on that in a moment), this six-minute film is essentially a "how it's made" documentary showing how Christmas Crackers are produced (or more accurately how they were produced in the early 1900s). Even that's an overstatement: we don't really get a good look at the process; instead we're seeing quick glimpses of the components being made. It's all done using machines by workers performing their tasks extremely quickly, so it's not easy to tell precisely what they're doing or how the machines work. We get a feel for the environment in which they're made, but that's about it. It's worth noting the factory is staffed by a mix of male and female employees. I don't have much sense of scale, but my guess is these are unique workstations (i.e.: I can't imagine demand was so great that there were dozens more employees off-screen performing the same functions). At any rate, the film ends with a brie

The Naughty Nine is Disney's new direct-to-streaming kid's heist adventure about a team of highly-skilled children breaking into Santa's workshop after being snubbed by the Jolly Old Elf on Christmas Eve. My guess is most of you are eyeing that premise the way I did, as a promising idea that most likely wouldn't be executed remotely well enough to work. Disney, after all, certainly wouldn't be my first choice of companies to tackle this sort of thing. But I was pleasantly surprised, at least for the most part. It's that "most part" that's going to be a sticking point: the second act drags, and there's an "obey authority" message embedded in the subtext that doesn't sit well with me. Despite those issues, the characters are fun, the first act is delightful, and the actual emotional arcs are fulfilling enough to justify a recommendation, albeit a tepid one. Lindsay and I had fun with this, and if you're intrigued by the idea of