Mainlining Christmas

I spent a significant amount of 'R Xmas's runtime trying to unravel what this was supposed to be. There's nothing inherently wrong with a movie refusing to adhere to the conventions of any one genre, but it's the kind of gamble that either pays off or falls flat. This one didn't pay off. Instead of building on various tropes to construct a film greater than the sum of its parts, this wound up landing in a sort of empty void between genres: not suspenseful enough to work as thriller, lacking characters interesting enough to function as a crime story or gangster flick, no real mystery coalescing around the bizarre events until we receive a logical if unsatisfying explanation... it's bizarre. In the end, this winds up feeling more like an odd drama masquerading as the genres above, and the drama here just isn't all that compelling. The movie tries to make a point about crime and government policy, but there wasn't much substance to what it was saying then a...

After watching this, I realized I'd made a mistake by not watching the original 1950 movie this is a (loose) remake of first, since I found myself unsure what was original and what was drawn from the source material. So, naturally, I watched the original as well. This is only a review of the 1988 movie, as the original is set in summer and we have a reputation to uphold. Aside from the vague premise, the two movies don't have much in common. Even some elements I'd have sworn were pulled from the 1950 version weren't, such as dated character names and explicit noir tropes. My guess is this was intended as a love letter to the noir era in general. Perhaps the Christmas setting was a nod to one of the many holiday noirs, since it certainly wasn't taken from the 1950 film, which was set sometime during the hot summer months. D.O.A. opens and closes with scenes shot in black and white that look and feel like something right out of a classic noir. In fact, the opening is ...

In the revised edition of "Christmas in the Movies," Jeremy Arnold includes a short chapter devoted to the phenomenon of classic noir set during the holidays. In it, he argues intrinsic aspects of noir prevent these from ever being true holiday movies. I couldn't disagree more with that conclusion, but I'm grateful for the chapter, as it's helped lead me to a number of movies not typically listed as Christmas media. The Reckless Moment, a 1949 film directed by Max Ophüls and starring Joan Bennett and James Mason, certainly isn't my favorite of the lot, but I'm still glad I watched it. My understanding is this is fairly well regarded - I'm guessing that's mainly due to a combination of the movie's point-of-view and the quality of the lead performances (Mason is particularly good here). But while I appreciate the movie's merits, I can't echo its fans. I found the bulk of the film a bit too grounded to be interesting, and its more dramatic...

Along with Netflix's Carry-On , Apple TV's Wolfs was a breakout hit last Christmas, to the limited extent the term can be applied to streaming movies. Getting a lot of views doesn't necessarily translate to a significant number of new or retained subscriptions: we know these were seen by a lot people, but it's an open question whether that means anything. This one had a great deal of potential, between reuniting Brad Pitt and George Clooney and coming from writer/director Jon Watts, who overdelivered on both his live-action Spider-Man trilogy and Star Wars Skeleton Crew. He's not necessarily the most exciting name in the industry, but he's been on a strong enough run recently that the prospect of him making a slick, funny holiday comedy/noir in the vein of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was intriguing. But while the movie isn't at all awful, Watts doesn't recreate enough of Shane Black’s proficiency in the genre to make this memorable or special. It's a little ...

There's probably no more damning indictment of this movie than the fact Shane Black released a Christmas action/comedy based on a beloved crime series, and no one seemed to notice or care. I think that's a fair response, too: while there are some strong elements here, the movie as a whole doesn't work. Black can't seem to settle on a tone, the action set pieces feel uncharacteristically uninspired, and the main character is shockingly dull. It's difficult to say to what degree Parker's shortcomings are due to the script versus the casting. Mark Wahlberg is so wrong for this role, you're left trying to piece together how he ended up in the part. He doesn't come off as likeable, intimidating, or really much of anything. The character is just sort of an empty void. And before someone chimes in, I realize some of that is an apt description of the character in the books. I've read most of the... okay, I've only actually read the Wikipedia summary of t...

"Beware, My Lovely" is a sold noir bordering on horror with proto-slasher elements. It does a fantastic job building suspense and empathy for its heroine, played by Ida Lupino, who also produced the film (through her company, The Filmakers) and took over directing when  Harry Horner had to step away due to his wife's illness and passing. All of which should be interest to anyone curious about the history and evolution of horror, women directors, and this era of Hollywood. I'll touch on some of that later in this review, but first... Uh... Holy shit, this is a Christmas home invasion proto-slasher from 1952. That's more than twenty years before Black Christmas  and significantly older than any other holiday film I've found employing similar tropes to tell the extended story of a woman trying to survive an encounter with a dangerously unstable man in a claustrophobic setting. Hell, it's two years older than the Vault of Horror story, "And All Through th...

Bordering on self-parody to the point I'm not entirely certain what was and wasn't intentional, "I, the Jury" might be the most Christmas noir movie I've come across to date. From start to end, this wants you to know it's set during the holidays. As for noir, it encapsulates the style, tone, and tropes of the quasi-genre to the point of absurdity. The movie lacks subtlety to the point it honestly feels closer to the sort of parody or homage you'd see in a TV sitcom dream sequence about a cynical private eye surrounded (and I do mean surrounded ) by femme fatales. None of that is inherently good or bad, depending on what you're in the mood for. More accurately, it's not enjoyable or unenjoyable: the writing, acting, and directing is all pretty bad here (though the cinematography and set design is quite good). If cheesy noir mystery sounds like a fun way to spend your evening, this absolutely delivers that experience. Dissecting how this came to be d...

I'm going to cut right to the spoiler warning, because Cover Up is a delightful Christmas mystery that fans of noir (and the era in general) deserve to experience without having the story, ending, or even tone spoiled. It's the sort of movie that leaves me confused as to why it's not already considered a classic. That's not to say it's perfect - aspects of the last act are a bit underwhelming - but it's extremely good, compelling, and unlike any other film from the era I've come across. And, like any good mystery, it's better seen without being familiar with the synopsis. You've been warned. For those left, in the first paragraph I recommended this for fans of noir, but I didn't outright identify it as such. Others have, and it certainly bears hallmarks of the pseudo-genre: black and white cinematography, heavy use of shadow, expressionist elements... you know the drill. But ultimately the film almost feels like an anti-noir, leaning more towards...

The 1944 noir film, The Suspect, certainly doesn't qualify as a Christmas movie under any definition I use, and I doubt you'll find many people who've seen it and disagree. That said, a short but pivotal scene is set during the holidays, which are utilized in a manner that's both unusual and interesting enough to warrant discussion here. In addition, the movie as a whole is fairly interesting, so I don't mind giving it a bit of exposure. The film stars Charles Laughton, who's perhaps now best known for his sole directing credit, The Night of the Hunter, a 1955 film with similarly dubious yuletide credentials (though that's often counted as a Christmas movie for thematic reasons). While The Night of the Hunter is now (rightly) regarded as a classic, it was considered a failure at the time, which is why it's Laughton's only credited turn as a movie director. He was, however, considered a fantastic actor (also rightly). The Suspect is set in 1902 London...

It's almost easier to describe Merry Christmas as a neo-noir that serves as a throwback to American noir Christmas films of the '40s and '50s, as well as Hitchcock's mysteries, and leave it at that. Only doing so ignores the fact it's an Indian film set in Mumbai and filmed simultaneously in Hindi and Tamil and based on a French crime novel called "Le Monte-charge" which was previously adapted into a 1962 film called, "Paris Pick-Up" (which I'm absolutely adding to my watchlist, despite a sinking suspicion I'll never find a copy). All of which is to say the movie is an intricate web of references and homages spanning continents and eight decades, some of which I'm qualified to discuss and others... not so much. The movie is dedicated to a famous Indian director, and dialogue in the movie itself references what I assume are Indian films inspiring Merry Christmas - I'm sure there are layers I'm missing because I lack a backgroun...