Mainlining Christmas

I think the most immediate thing you need to know about this movie before deciding whether to watch it or not is that writer/director Alice Maio Mackay is currently twenty years old, and this is not remotely her first movie. The fact she's making anything at that age, let alone horror films receiving relatively wide distribution, critical attention, and a growing fan base represents an awesome achievement, even before factoring in the fact this is a competently directed genre movie. However, that does mean we're talking about a microbudget independent production lacking the resources of a major studio. The narrative also stumbles at times... just not anywhere near as many times as you'd expect from something written and directed by a twenty-year-old. I wanted to open with that to explain why this is going to be tough to review. Compared against most low-budget independent films I've seen, Carnage for Christmas feels professional. But compared against, say, a five- or te...

Some of my least favorite reviews to write are low-budget, independent horror flicks. They're ambitious, they're low budget, they almost always have interesting premises, and - of course - they're almost always pretty bad. Silent Bite, a movie about a group of bank robbers who find themselves hiding out in a mostly abandoned hotel on Christmas Eve alongside a family of hungry vampire dominatrixes, is no exception. Despite some above-average performances and a couple unexpectedly good comedic sequences, the movie leaves you far more bored than you'd think possible given a 90-minute runtime and that premise.  I should note that I have only tidbits of information about this production. There's no Wikipedia page for the film, and a cursory internet search didn't reveal any in depth articles or interviews. This was made by a small production company that appears to specialize in this sort of thing. It was produced and written by Simon Phillips (who also plays one of ...

I always love stumbling across a Christmas movie while catching up on genre fare I missed. Is that weird? Most likely, but then so is this movie, so that's appropriate. I should acknowledge this is one of those times viewers of the film are likely going to be surprised to hear it described as a Christmas movie, as references to the season are relatively sparse. However, the timing is unambiguous and noted on multiple occasions - in fact, the movie goes out of its way a few times to keep Christmas present. There's no reason that Orlok's familiar needed to be captured in the Christmas market, for example, but the movie drops in that detail. The second half of the film is explicitly set during the holidays (possibly the 24th through 28th, though I'm making a few assumptions to get that specific), which is plenty to cement this as a Christmas movie, albeit a subtle one. Backing up, Nosferatu is a remake of F. W. Murnau's 1922 silent horror film, which in turn was an uno...

Easily one of the most polarizing Christmas movies in recent history, Christmas Eve in Miller's Point can be viewed as either a masterpiece of atypical narrative structure, or as a failed experiment. The problem I'm running into is I can't decide which side of that line I fall on. I find it a little easier to address the more pressing question most of you likely have: whether or not you should watch it. The answer is almost certainly not... unless you're a diehard cinephile, that is. Just to be on the safe side, let's get the spoiler warning out of the way. This is, after all, a new movie, and its fans absolutely adore it (with good reason, I think). I'm still trying to sort out where my opinion falls, but I don't want to spoil the story of a movie this controversial without giving you a chance to make up your own mind. So, just to be clear, if you're still reading after this sentence, you're doing so with the knowledge you're about to have the s...

Like its predecessor, the second Adult Swim Yule Log movie takes a lot of risks. But while this is ultimately a solid comedy/horror (leaning a lot more towards comedy this time), those risks don't pay off to anywhere near the same degree. It's probably unfair to expect otherwise, though: the first installment in this franchise felt revolutionary and exciting, essentially materializing a horror film from literal smoke. Even those of us not lucky enough to stumble on it organically when it aired advertised as a literal Yule Log video could sense the energy and excitement. That's just not here this time. While the movie has some very good and fairly original ideas, it ultimately feels much more conventional. This is a campy Christmas horror movie in the vein of Jack Frost (with the caveat I enjoyed this much more). It's got some practical creature and gore effects, an interesting premise exploring genre signifiers as a metaphor for trauma, and another good performance fro...

I find myself using the word "frustrating" a lot when talking about Hallmark Christmas movies and the adjacent genre they inhabit. In this case, I'm using it in a somewhat favorable light, as what's frustrating is the disconnect between the stuff that works and the stuff that doesn't. This starts out as a pretty serviceable comedy and maintains that for a little more than half its runtime before, well... we'll get to that. First, a little about what Sugarplummed is. Or even better, what it isn't. I'm seeing a number of sites list this as a romance, which is just plain wrong. Bizarrely wrong, in fact, to the point I find myself wondering if those categorizing it as such actually watched past the Hallmark logo. While the main character's relationship with her husband goes through a rough patch, it's all part of her strained relationship with her family, all of which is secondary to the central relationship at the core of this story: her friendshi...

Red One may be the most perfect encapsulation of its time, and I mean that in an almost entirely negative way. Elements of this movie are, I'd argue, quite good. There are some solid ideas and interesting choices made throughout. But the misguided direction and cinematography, egregious structural issues, and comically large budget represent a unique sort of production alchemy that could only exist in a world where streaming companies rely on a combination of algorithms and desperation to churn out what they hope will be massive, attention-grabbing films capable of pulling in subscribers. And the fact this was greenlit on the tail end of that dying philosophy, resulting in Red One receiving a theatrical window just long enough for it to bomb before crashing with little fanfare on the streaming service that commissioned it, is perhaps the final and most appropriate tribute to the era it hails from. Taken outside of this context, it's a truly baffling film that tries to combine k...

I don't expect we'll watch a lot of Hallmark movies this season (nothing against the company; we just have too much else on our plate), but The Christmas Quest promised a premise too interesting to pass up. The gimmick this time was to fuse the usual romantic comedy with a National Treasure/Romancing the Stone/Indiana Jones style fantasy/adventure treasure hunt set in Iceland based loosely on folklore surrounding the Yule Lads (a group of Icelandic trolls who have become somewhat analogous to Santa as their more monstrous aspects became subdued over the centuries). That's certainly the kind of thing that gets our attention. Sadly, the premise turned out to be much more interesting than the movie itself. As is often the case with Hallmark productions, the genre elements wind up feeling superficial: they drop in a handful of casual references, but when push comes to shove this is a Hallmark Christmas flick to the core. There's no real danger, no suspense, no excitement......

If That Christmas had been released a decade ago, it would probably have performed modestly at the box office, sold well on DVD, gone into circulation on television and streaming, and be on its way to becoming a holiday classic. It's not reinventing the wheel, but it's the right mix of sweet, funny, and somber that makes for a fantastic experience that stays with you. This is really good stuff, with inspired voice casting and beautiful animation. But this wasn't made a decade ago, nor was it made five years ago, when the Disney/Fox merger threw production and release plans into disarray. So, here we are in 2024, when it's become pretty common for things like this to get picked up by Netflix and subsequently forgotten. Critics aren't enthusiastic about this one, either, so it's unlikely this will get much of a boost during awards season. Hell, we'll be lucky if this ever gets a blu-ray release (though if it does you can bet your ass I'll be buying a copy)...

I'm continuing my look at a handful of figures from the second wave of Fresh Monkey Fiction's "Naughty or Nice" line of holiday action figures. Today, I'm reviewing "Nasty Krampus," and I'm going to start with what's probably my largest complaint in the review: I'm not crazy about that name. Does that matter? Not at all! But still, it feels like a rather dull descriptor for what's a pretty exceptional toy.  Naming conventions aside, this combines the  Krampus head, hands, and tail from Wave 1  with the naked torso used on the Wave 2 Barbarian Santa (no judgement: creative reuse is the name of the game when it comes to action figures). I don't have much to say about the individual components I haven't said before: everything looks great up close. I slightly prefer the paint on the first wave face, where the horns were a lighter color, but that's personal taste (and I'm really stretching to find something to nitpick here). O...