Mainlining Christmas

Bridget Jones's Diary appears on a fair number of lists of Christmas and New Year's movies, usually with the caveat that most of the movie doesn't take place on the holiday, which is probably why we glossed over it for as long as we did. But now that we're exploring less restrictive definitions of "Christmas movie," I thought it was time to give this a watch, which led to a couple surprising revelations. First, while only a fraction of the movie is set over the holidays, this would have applied under even our stricter criteria, as its thematic use of those celebrations (particularly New Year's) permeates the entire film. But second and more important is that this movie absolutely fucking rules. I'll be honest - I hadn't expected that. I'm not sure why I assumed it wouldn't, but I suspect it has something to do with the trailer (I just looked it up on YouTube, and it certainly isn't doing the movie any favors). But the film itself is hil

Well, I probably shouldn't be reviewing this. First, a little background. Or in this case, lack thereof, because that's sort of the problem. I put this on having no clue what it was after seeing it on a list of science fiction films on Criterion. I'd seen virtually everything else on the list, but I'd never even heard of 2046, so I trusted it would be at least interesting and pressed play. The short version is that it is interesting, it is not  science fiction, but it was (surprisingly) a Christmas movie. Well, sort of a Christmas movie. I'll get to that. Also, it's not entirely not science fiction. I'll get to that, too. But first I want to highlight another aspect I wasn't ready for: it's the third movie in a trilogy. Sort of. I'm... not really going to get around to explaining that, because I'm still a little unclear on the details. Okay, my understanding is the main character of this appears in an earlier movie, and a minor character from

The Matzah Ball Jean Meltzer, 2021 To start with, the premise of this book has a lot of holes in it. Rachel grew up in a close-knit Jewish community, but she secretly loves all the trappings of Christmas, and is, in fact, secretly a highly successful Christmas romance author. Her childhood frenemy-turned-love-turned-enemy Jacob is now a wealthy entrepreneur who throws expensive events for a living, and he's going to be back in town to manage the biggest Hannukah event ever. Rachel's publishers want her to be more "authentic" and ask her to write a Hannukah romance. She despairs because "there's nothing magic about Hannukah" but decides the only way to get the inspiration she needs is to get to that sold-out party. Cue misunderstandings, arguments, romantic tension, etc. Just two of the questions this raises: 1) some Jewish folks care an awful lot about not giving in to the red-and-green juggernaut called American culture in December, and some don't.

This seems to be one of the most divisive Christmas movies to come along in a while - I've seen reactions ranging from declaring it an instant holiday horror classic to it landing on people's worst-of-year picks. My own opinion isn't anywhere near as extreme one way or the other, though after watching the movie... I can kind of see where both camps are coming from. This one's weird and quirky, with an interesting premise, great performances and characters, a visually iconic killer, some really effective moments, and notable representation for LGBTQ+ horror fans. At the same time, the pacing falls off a ledge in the second act (and never recovers), the fantasy elements are clumsily integrated, and the second half features a chain of bizarre twists that left me at a loss to determine what the movie was even trying to accomplish or say. Depending on what different viewers want out of this, I don't think it's unreasonable to excuse the stuff that doesn't work or

It's always hard approaching movies which were clearly made on a virtually non-existent budget, and this one's harder than usual. The Magical Christmas Tree feels limited by resources in ways that severely hamper the experience. At the same time, there are some really good aspects to the film that stand out. More than that, it offers a unique premise and highly unusual kind of representation within the universe of Christmas media. Which leads me to this very targeted recommendation: if the idea of a fantasy romantic Christmas comedy built around non-binary characters sounds like something you've been waiting for, there's a good chance you're going to love this despite its shortcomings. I'll add some of the movie's strongest assets reinforce that feature. The lead, Socks Whitmore, delivers a solid comedic performance as Pace. Ky Mullen does a decent job as well as their love interest, an elf named Buddy, but now I'm drifting into the premise, so let's

Three Holidays and a Wedding Uzma Jalaluddin and Marissa Stapley, 2023 New Release! A copy of this book was provided by Netgalley for the purpose of review.  I joke sometimes about how modern romance novels of a certain type are more movie pitches than books. This one definitely started out that way, but by the end, it was at least a corny movie I think I'd enjoy. I guess the authors know what they're doing there, both have had projects optioned for film or TV according to the bios in the back.  In the first chapter, we meet Anna. Anna is ready for her perfect Christmas with her boyfriend's perfect family, she has to be. Otherwise her perfect boyfriend's perfect family won't be happy if everything doesn't go perfectly.  If you guessed that Anna's boyfriend is like a parody of "the guy who is bad for our heroine," you'd be right. But after a whole scene of me wincing at everything he says, he leaves ahead of her because she has to complete a wor

This is a low-budget holiday romcom released direct to Freevee, an ad-supported subservice of Amazon Prime, which was almost certainly rushed through filming prior to the strikes, with a premise likely reverse-engineered from the pun in the title; a pun that has already been used by multiple existing low-budget holiday productions. In a nutshell, it would be hard to imagine a series of warning flags more conclusive that the movie in question was going to be absolutely abysmal. Which makes it all the more shocking that it's actually kind of good. I want to be careful not to oversell this one, because it certainly isn't great. The movie has quite a few problems, including some structural ones, and the bulk of the jokes land closer to "amusing" than "hilarious." But there are a few truly standout moments of both comedy and drama, the cast does really solid work, and - perhaps most notably - Jonah Feingold's direction includes some interesting, smart choices

I recently watched and wrote up the 1938 remake of Holiday before realizing it was, in fact, a remake. Since I'm prioritizing pre-war holiday movies this year, I didn't want to skip over its predecessor. In earlier years, I'd have given it some time to avoid watching the same basic story twice in quick succession, but last year's Christmas Carol project warped my brain to the point that sort of thing no longer bores me. That does place me in the somewhat awkward position of talking about a film that - at least as far as story is concerned - is virtually identical to one I just discussed. Since I neither want to reword the same synopsis nor copy and paste what I wrote before, when the time to talk plot rolls around, I'll just direct you to that review and discuss elements that were different between versions. First, though, I want to get to the unfortunate business of measuring the two films overall. Normally, I tend to favor earlier adaptations (as my picks for  Th

I've got two pieces of business before I start describing this movie in detail. The first is that this is a remake of a 1930 film of the same name , with both versions being based on a play. I'm not certain which order we'll wind up running the reviews, but - just to be upfront - I watched and am writing up the remake first. The second piece of business I want stated upfront is that this movie rules, and you should watch it. The jokes are hilarious, the performances are fantastic, the characters are extremely likeable, and the politics hold up. But more on that (a lot more, in fact) later. While I don't think knowing more is going to seriously impact the fun of seeing it play out, consider this your mandatory spoiler warning, in case you want to track down and watch an eighty-five-year-old romantic comedy before learning more. The movie opens with Johnny (played by Cary Grant) returning from a vacation. He meets a couple friends and reveals he met a woman and they'r

The Christmas Swap Talia Samuels, 2023 New Release! A copy of this book was provided by Netgalley for the purpose of review.  Margot and Ben are driving to Ben's family home for the holidays. So far, so normal. Except Margot and Ben met through work a week ago and aren't actually dating, but are planning to lie to Ben's family so his parents will stop making him feel bad for being single. The story gets even wackier once Margot starts to actually fall for Ben's sister Ellie. Meanwhile, Ellie can tell something is weird about Margot and Ben's supposed relationship, but she jumps to a lot of downright farcical conclusions.  This new holiday romance was quite good, although not exceptional. The characters do a few very dumb things that cause some painful miscommunications and misunderstandings, and those made me cringe. I've described the premise, and you need to be ready to suspend your disbelief a lot early on to get on board with Margot and Ben's initial pla

Okay. Going to need a big old disclaimer for this one. I'm Jewish. Also, I'm not Jewish. Depends on what you mean by "Jewish", really. My mother is Jewish and grew up in a Jewish household. My father was raised Christian, though I don't believe he ever identified as such in my lifetime. I was raised celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas, both in a secular context. I grew up thinking of myself as Jewish. I even got to experience some antisemitism in grade school in rural Maine (lucky me). I never learned to speak Hebrew, I didn't have a Bar Mitzvah, I wasn't raised in a Jewish community, and I've only stepped into synagogues for weddings and funerals. When I was a kid, I didn't think these were relevant as far as my identity was concerned. And depending on who you ask and what the term means, they may not be. However, from a cultural perspective at the very least, I am most certainly not Jewish. The reason I'm bringing all this up is I'm about

Masters in This Hall K.J. Charles, 2022 After watching so many Hallmark movies this year, I was beginning to forget that humans feel any emotion stronger than the desire for a single chaste kiss. Happily, one of my favorite romance authors came to the rescue with a surprise new holiday novella! This is technically part of her Lilywhite Boys series, but it easily stands alone. The series generally features criminals and detectives plotting schemes and romance in late-Victorian era London. In keeping with the theme, the main character in this novella is hotel detective John Garland, recently fired from his job due to a major robbery occurring on his watch. The man he suspects of the crime has been hired to run a grand week-long Christmas party at his wealthy uncle's estate, so John turns up to try to defeat any further skullduggery.  Of course, he is also desperately attracted to the man, but that should be neither here nor there... The story proceeds apace in Charles's best styl

I'm not sure Hallmark deserves much credit for producing their first Christmas romcom centered around a same-sex couple this late in the game. Lifetime, Netflix, Hulu, and virtually everyone else beat them to this, so the gesture feels a bit hollow. Still, late is better than never, and it really seems like they're taking steps to rectify their historic trend of focusing almost entirely on straight, white couples. The good news is that, to the extent these kinds of TV movies can meaningfully be called "good," this is pretty solid. It's still beholden to the usual ridgid formula, is forbidden from including any actual tension, and is as aggressively G-rated as the rest of Hallmark's annual yuletide offerings, but within the confines of the template, it's charming, sweet, and amusing. "Good movie" is a higher bar than "good Hallmark movie," and while it sails over the latter bar, I'm honestly on the fence as to whether it clears the f

The Christmas Train is a TV movie based on a novel by David Baldacci released through Hallmark Movies & Mysteries. The story is centered around a former couple, both writers, who bump into each other while traveling across the country. One is working on a movie script for a Hollywood director who's more or less adopted her, and the other is a journalist looking for a story. The movie includes numerous other quirky characters who are also traveling by train and is an exceptionally good... Wait. Hold on. I need to check my notes, because something feels off. Okay, yes. The words, "Hallmark" and "good" both appear on this pad of paper, which... Hold on a minute. These things can be good?!!! Then why the hell have we been sitting through bland, lazy romantic comedies this whole time? No one told me Hallmark was actually capable of putting out good movies! Okay. Let's get back to the movie, which - again - is good. A good Hallmark TV movie. About people recon