Mainlining Christmas

This year the Lord and Taylor windows were based on a collection of solicited children's drawings... or something. So the first window is a girl drawing, and then there's just a selection of somewhat generic holiday scenes.  All the displays are surrounded by drawings done by little kids. It's a cute collection of slightly animatronic dolls, but nothing too exciting. Enjoy.

Ah, Big Lots. When something just isn't good enough for Conway or National Wholesale Liquidators, it just might wind up there. Lindsay and I wound up at a Big Lots a few months ago, and we came across this for five bucks. That's right: just five bucks. Needless to say, we had to own it. You can see the love in their eyes as they stare through you. I mean, sure, their flocked fur is a bit mangy, and they look as though they might be carrying a disease, but this family of deer aren't short on love. The antlers are incredibly flimsy: you can press them until the tips are touching with almost no pressure, then watch them snap back. That right there is play value. In addition to the delightful family of reindeer, you also get a bonus pet. If you believe the back of the packaging, this guy's name is Grady, the Snow Grouse. If you instead believe your eyes, it's some sort of insect which wants to burrow into your flesh and lay eggs. Christmas eggs.

To my surprise, this movie is not actually terrible, just sort of boring. It's decently shot, and it has good music, but the characters are uninteresting and the plot is thin and slow. From the beginning, the whole set-up is heavy-handed; the level of anger and actual evilness from the family members is so over the top that it's hard to get behind the later desire for reconciliation. They are all jerks, and the kid is kind of better off without them. There are some truly random tone shifts; it feels as though most plot elements were added piecemeal, and moved around somewhat at random. It doesn't help that the continuous schtick prevents the characters from gaining any real emotional momentum. Macaulay Culkin mugs through the whole thing, seeming determined to prove he can't act. And then of course, there's the house of death. You remember the house of death, it's probbaly the only thing most people remember about this movie at all. It's the part whe

What the HELL was that? Okay, so Lindsay and I recently ordered a collection on Amazon titled Holiday Family Classics , containing more Christmas specials and movies than you can shake the severed arm of a snowman at. One of the first was titled,"Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen", and I was curious. I mean, I like Santa Claus. I like fairies. Putting them together should be a no-brainer. I don't know where to start. This live-action special is introduced by a brownie - not an elf, interestingly enough - named "Snoopy" (no relation - had this been narrated by a dog, it would have been far, far better). Apparently, Snoopy's no longer tasked with making toys, but is rather the brownie charged with sneaking into children's rooms late at night to talk to their toys and get information on whether kids have treated them well. I feel it's significant that Snoopy is one of the most annoying characters to ever grace the screen. She has a high-pitched lau

In the middle of The Santa Clause 2, there's a fifteen minute stretch where the movie is kind of good. It's during a more grounded portion of the movie, where Allen's lost the fat suit and is trying to woo his son's principal, that you start feeling optimistic. Allen uses his diminishing magic to perform a series of minor miracles, mostly to salvage an office Christmas party. For these brief moments, the movie hits its stride, drops most of the slapstick, and hints at developing into something worthwhile. Unfortunately, this is the only portion of the movie that doesn't completely suck. The rest of the film is utter crap, an appropriate sequel to part one . The issue is a common one with holiday fare: the film actively tries to mimic cartoons without bothering to learn what makes a good cartoon work. Sticking in zany sound effects and using cheap effects isn't enough to make a movie fun. Incorporating artifacts from animation into live action can be succes

Remember Rainbow Brite? Sure you do, it was a short-lived but much remembered 80's cartoon for girls. But did you know that Rainbow Brite released two records of music? And that one of them is a Christmas album? That you might not have known. In the 80s  there wasn't a lot of concern for voice actor fidelity in children's media, so only a few of the voices on the disc are actually the voice actors from the series. That doesn't prevent this from being an exercise in blended nostalgia and a sort of bemused horror. Song List: A Gift of Love Jingle Bells The Twelve Days of Christmas Silent Night Joy to the World Christmas in the Pits The First Noel Deck the Halls Christmas Medley: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, O Christmas Tree We Wish You a Merry Christmas About the Songs: First off, let me tell you how surreal I find the song choices. Between Silent Night , Joy to the World , The First Noel , God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Jack Frost is one of the later Rankin-Bass stop-motion specials, and as such represents a trade off. The animation is far more refined than most of the more famous specials: the movement is far more fluid and natural than Rudolph, Year Without a Santa Claus, or Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, for example. However, the special is missing any of the charm that made those work, which is probably why this hasn't endured in the same way. I think a lot of the blame goes to the concept of the narrator, a groundhog named Pardon-Me-Pete, who drains the energy from the special every second he's on screen. Say what you will about the best Rankin-Bass specials, but there's a sort of fairy-tale mythology they seem to inhabit. Pete just doesn't belong in that world, and he kills any chance this might have had to gain some gravitas. And it does try: the story used in Jack Frost is actually structured as a sort of tragedy, with the main character having to sacrifice his chanc