Mainlining Christmas

As always, Amazon has a handful of free Christmas albums up on, so I decided to download and listen to them. After all, I obviously didn't have enough Christmas music already. Album: Greenhill Christmas Music Sampler Artist: Various On average, this is a bad sampler, primarily containing elevator jazz and new age tracks. But since this is a free album, there's no law of averages at play: all that matters is whether there's anything worth keeping. And fortunately, the answer is yes. There's not a lot, but there are a handful of good songs, along with (dare I say) one great one. Oddly enough, the great one is from a new age artist, David Arkenstone. It's an adaptation of Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy, albeit one that (at least to my ears) sounds like it belongs in a spy movie. I looked up Arkenstone's Christmas album after hearing this and listened to the 30 second samples. They sounded good, but they're certainly nothing like this Dance of the Sugar

As part of the Mainlining Christmas project, I listen to a lot of Christmas music, far more than some people would consider reasonable. Some of my friends had shared their sympathies, and so I took an informal poll of least favorite holiday songs. My plan was to find versions of these songs that were great, without completely abandoning the song in question. That means no complete rewrites, no parody versions. That was the plan, anyway. But what I discovered, as I listened through many versions of each song, was that, except for one unique case, I actually don’t have a problem with many of these songs. In fact, I really like most of them! Is Mainlining Christmas changing my brain? Am I going soft? Or is my love of music overcoming my distrust of the holiday? In any case, wherever I can, I’m still providing you with what I think is a great or a unique spin on each song below, along with my rationale for liking it. Santa Baby I don’t understand my friends’ problems with a lot of

You know that part in a horror movie when the supposedly dead monster isn't dead at all? Welcome to part SEVEN of my increasingly longer investment in holiday tunes. Album: Big Christmas Box Artist: Various I bought this collection containing 13 hours of classical Christmas music on Amazon for and because it was two bucks. It's a decent collection, all things considered, provided you're looking for background music that won't constantly repeat the same few tracks. Album: Mistletoe & Wine Artist: Mediaeval Baebes Some friends recommended this one, so I listened to a track on Youtube, decided it was worth owning, and picked it up. The group performs medieval songs in sort of a modern/classical fusion. The album's quite good. While I have plenty of classical Christmas tracks, these are some of the best. Album: Chanukah at Home Artist: Dan Crow, Various When we started this blog, we initially set out to focus as much as possible on Christmas

It's time for part six of my slog through my new holiday music. The good news is that this is the last of it... for the time being, at least: I'm expecting new music soon.... Album: A Very Veggie Christmas Artist: VeggieTales Surprise, surprise: the VeggieTales Christmas album is really awful. Mostly, it's just obnoxious comedy targeted at four-year-olds. Even at that level, is this really what civilization has come down to? Anthropomorphic vegetables with bad voices singing about Jesus? Seriously: I understand why people tend to gloss over the whole "animals don't have souls" thing, but plants? Come on! Album: The White Album Artist: Various This seems to mostly be a collection of New Age Christmas music. Overall, pretty boring, but there are a few tracks that are decent. Album: Yulenog 3: Hardest Workin' Man in Christmas Artist: Yulenog & Nathan Kuruna This is tough to describe. I bought the album after finding o

I hope you didn't think we were done. Plenty more holiday music for me to sit through. Album: Come All Ye Faithful: Rock for Choice Artist: Various This one's interesting. It's a alternative rock compilation of Christmas music that was produced to raise money for pro-choice causes. Of course, like 90% of my new music, I found this used for a buck, so I can't exactly pretend that I was doing any good by buying it. I wasn't expecting much from this: I'm generally skeptical when it comes to politically motivated entertainment, even when it's something I agree with. However, this is easily one of my favorite new albums - it may even deserve a spot on my all time favorite Christmas albums list. The music is a major deviation from pretty much everything else in my collection, and I honestly don't believe there's a track on here I don't like. Album: Under the Mistletoe Artist: Justin Bieber I kind of felt bad that I'd ended up

The holiday cheer just keeps coming. This is part four of my look at my new Christmas music. Album: Gregorian Christmas Artist: CantArte Regensburg & Hubert Velten I'm a sucker for a bargain: Amazon was selling all 49 tracks of this for 99 cents. That's two cents a track. Granted, I don't really need more chant in my Christmas collection... but still: TWO CENTS A TRACK. The music's good, but certainly not essential. Album: Joy of Christmas Artist: Giovanni Pretty decent piano music. There are a handful of tracks I like quite a bit. Album: Country Christmas: A Christmas Welcome Thomas Kinkade Artist: Various (country) The only thing that pisses me off more than this album's existence is the fact I kind of enjoyed listening to it. See, here's the thing: it's got Thomas Kinkade's name on it, so I was all excited that I'd be able to hate it out of spite (no, his death wasn't enough). At any rate, the CD's a coll

Part three of my comprehensive look at my new Holiday albums.... Album: Christmas Wishes Artist: Anne Murray Growing up, I always hated country music. That's changed as I've gotten older, but I still don't have much in my music collection. While it's still not my favorite genre of music, I'm finding that I'm enjoying the country Christmas albums quite a bit. I shouldn't be surprised: it's one of the most under-represented types in my now substantial collection of holiday tunes, so it's a much needed deviation. I don't know much about Anne Murray - according to Wikipedia, she's a country/pop singer from Canada who was big in the 70's and 80's. This album is from 1981, and I'm enjoying it. Album: Christmas with Jim Reeves Artist: Jim Reeves I'm going through these albums in alphabetical order, so it seems kind of odd that I get two country/pop albums in a row. This is also a solid album, though I don't l

I'm continuing my trek through my new holiday albums, one-by-one. So far, it's been pretty mixed. On to round two! Album: The Christmas Angel - A Family Story Artist: Mannheim Steamroller (narrated by Chip Davis and Olivia Newton-John) I've been meaning to pick up some Mannheim Steamroller for a while - mainly, I felt obliged given the band's success - but I haven't been willing to drop any real money on the acquisition. Well, I came across a couple CD's for dirt cheap, so I picked them up. This particular album basically consists of short bits of narration spoken over synthetic music. Imagine a picture book, but instead of images you get really boring music: that'll give you some idea. There are a few that don't suck (I kind of like "Messengers of Christmas"), but most are pretty awful. The story tying this together isn't any better. Basically, it's about a Christmas angel who gets kidnapped by a monster (or wizard or someth

Oh, what a long, strange year it's been. Lindsay and I now find ourselves in a new city and a new time zone. And, thanks to a ridiculous number of clearanced CDs we found used and a few targeted purchases from Amazon, we've got a healthy serving of new Christmas music. At the time I'm writing this, my playlist of new music includes approximately 1000 songs (an exact count would be extremely difficult, since there are likely duplicates appearing on various compilations). Keep in mind this is in addition to the music we had last year - all told, we're now over 2,000 tracks of holiday cheer. Last year, I went through my music collection alphabetically by song to make sure I got to experience the love and joy inherent to each and every one of those goddamn songs. Ah, the memories. This year, I thought I'd try something a bit different and try to go through the new music album by album. This... might take a while. Album: An American Christmas Artist: Folk Like

As we've continued to expand our collection of Christmas music, I keep finding new songs to enjoy. This year, listening to nothing but holiday music was hardly a trial at all. Here are some of the new tracks that got a lot of play on my iPod this month. Broadway: Carols for the Cure Volume 13 (Various, 2011) There are plenty of fun tracks on this CD, but I kept coming back to just a few. Because I can't point you anywhere to hear these recordings, I'm excerpting a bit of lyrics of each. St. Nicholas Sky This rock anthem from the cast of Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark is better than any music actually in that show. I really warmed to this song quickly, and I think they did a great job with it I dream the (light?) with open arms and wander out into the stars Remember when the world was ours - I look for you. And I - all I have to do is close my eyes, and I will (watch?) the darkness come alive And, how I wish that you could be with me tonight, under the cold St. Nich

I adore this album, so I saved it for last. This was a ridiculously large part of the holidays of my childhood, maybe only eclipsed by John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together . This is a much more solid work, though, every song here is good. There's such energy and good cheer here, I just grin whenever I hear it. The structural premise is simple enough: it's a sing-along. So you sing. Along. Got it? Song List: Christmas Sing-Along / Deck the Halls Santa Claus is Coming to Town Counting the Days Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow! The Twelve Days of Christmas Jingle Bells / Silver Bells Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Frosty the Snowman Keep Christmas With You We Wish You a Merry Christmas The first song introduces the Sing-Along, welcomes us all in, and includes some blank Fa La La La Las in the Deck the Halls portion to encourage said singing along. All these tracks do a great job balancing just doing a good version of the song, and adding

I've spoken here before about my long-standing struggle with Christmas music . I like a lot of it as music, but I don't get on board with the whole Jesus thing, so I feel awkward about the fact that I like it. This year I have found a solution to my problem. It occurred to me that there are plenty of Kings and Princes and Lords whose birthdays I would be happy to sing about. Won't you join me? Come they told me, Pa rum pa pum pum The newborn King to see, Pa rum pa pum pum We three kings of Orient are, bearing gifts we traverse afar,  Field and fountain, moor and mountain, following yonder star Uh, you might not want to follow that particular star, guys. Hark the herald angels sing, glory to the newborn king! (Hallelujah Chorus) ...And he shall reign forever and ever, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining It is the night of the dear Savior's birth  O come, O come, Emmanuel A

A 'supportive' friend gave us a ton of random holiday music, compiled from who knows where, near the end of last year's Mainlining project. Much of it was unique, or terrible, or - like this - both. So, uh, "Thanks", I guess. This is one of the weirdest, most nonsensical things I've ever listened to. The fact that this even exists blows my logic circuits, so to speak. Okay, lets start off by saying that all of these songs are awful. I could have written better Star Wars Christmas songs as age six. Because even at six I was reluctant to make rhymes just by repeating the same words over and over again. Also I feel bad for Anthony Daniels, the only voice actor with the misfortune to be involved with this. Maybe he really got a bad deal in his initial contract? It seems like he did a lot of these sorts of odd appearances. This is also horrible because it even dispenses with the Life Day cover story, and just decides that droids make presents for Santa, an

The songs below are actually from two albums, but many of the tracks overlap, and I don't have double copies of them all. Technically, the music is performed by Peach Hips, which is one of the names for the musical group made up of the voice actors from Sailor Moon. It may be silly, but this is some of my favorite new music I acquired this year. In general I find these songs sweet and bouncy, and just plain enjoyable to listen to, even if I'm not sure what they're saying. Also, I find it easier to visualize the Sailor Scouts/Soldiers (pick your translation) singing exuberant Christmas tunes than some of the other characters on these Novelty Albums. Track List: Sailor Moon Christmas Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer When the Saints Go Marching In Jingle Bells The Christmas Song Les Anges dan nos Compagnes (Hark the Herald Angels Sing) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus When You Wish Upon a Star Silent Night Koibito ga Santa Claus Last Christmas Additional

Eesh. This is the first one of these that's really making me cringe. Some of the singing isn't bad (It's probably mostly one or two voice actresses, the cd does not identify them), but all the forced dialogue and lines referencing different characters are extremely awkward. Not too surprisingly, it's less awkward with characters from the more recent movies, when it sounds like the actual voice actress might be doing the song, rather than someone imitating an actress from one of the early movies. Whoever hired the voice actors for the seven dwarves and wrote their dialogue has a lot to answer for. A lot of the problem I have with this album, though, is the premise. There isn't one. So some songs are sung as a group, but most songs are very specific to each character and reference their own world. It seems stupid to me to put something like this together and not have some silly magic reason that all the princesses are throwing a party together, or something. T

I've never heard of a hymnalogue before, but apparently back in the stupid ages, these were sing-a-long video recordings with words superimposed over them. I had an opportunity to subject myself to a pair of these, one for "O Little Town of Bethlehem" and the other for "O Come All Ye Faithful." To call these uninspired feels like an understatement. These are black holes in which inspiration is sucked then never seen again. They're vapid, boring, and pointless videos. Hey, geniuses in the 50's: you know what the advantage is of video? That it allows things to MOVE. So, next time, why not recording something that isn't standing still. Just a thought. The audio recordings weren't bad, but neither were they impressive. Just generic, uninteresting versions of the songs. Don't believe me? Have a look for yourself. I can't find a video of Bethlehem, but here's O Come All Ye Faithful, for your viewing "enjoyment."

I've been listening to a lot of Christmas music recently, and reflecting on the difficulty of The Twelve Days of Christmas . It's a long song, and while it can be fun to sing counting songs like this one, it can be dreadfully boring to listen to them. Hence why most successful recorded versions of 12 Days include jokes, asides, or other little tricks to keep your interest. I'm going to provide a bunch of decent versions of the song below, let's see if I can get to Twelve. 1: The Muppets and John Denver Here you can see some classic tricks: different voices on each verse, some humorous asides, including Fozzie forgetting his lyrics. They actually redid this version almost moment for moment with Jimmy Fallon a few years ago, but the internet does not seem to want to provide me with the video of that. 2: Straight No Chaser This a cappella group does a really fun medley mashing up 12 Days with a ton of other holiday and non-holiday tunes. The hu

Remember Rainbow Brite? Sure you do, it was a short-lived but much remembered 80's cartoon for girls. But did you know that Rainbow Brite released two records of music? And that one of them is a Christmas album? That you might not have known. In the 80s  there wasn't a lot of concern for voice actor fidelity in children's media, so only a few of the voices on the disc are actually the voice actors from the series. That doesn't prevent this from being an exercise in blended nostalgia and a sort of bemused horror. Song List: A Gift of Love Jingle Bells The Twelve Days of Christmas Silent Night Joy to the World Christmas in the Pits The First Noel Deck the Halls Christmas Medley: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, O Christmas Tree We Wish You a Merry Christmas About the Songs: First off, let me tell you how surreal I find the song choices. Between Silent Night , Joy to the World , The First Noel , God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

I'm sure that if I didn't have memories of this album, I would find it pretty weird. I mean, it is really cornball. However, I do have fond memories of listening to this music as a kid, so now I find it charmingly cornball, rather than annoyingly so. This is an album with a premise: a bunch of Disney characters get together to practice caroling, then they decide that they're going to actually celebrate Twelve Days of Christmas with a new activity each day. Most of the songs are prefaced by a little riff of "On the ____ day of Christmas, we play in the snow/go shopping/visit Santa/etc." It's odd today to listen to an album like this, which is heavily designed to be listened to in order, which was easier on the cassette tape of this I had originally than it is on my iPod. So all the songs are sung by actors (there are few specific credits on the CD, just a list of Vocals By:...) doing character voices, backed up by a studio choir keeping them on key. The pr

So, I entered this holiday season with 1049 holiday songs, and I decided it only made sense to start out by listening to each and every one of them. That adds up to about 59 hours, in case you were curious. I decided to go in alphabetical order by song title (I actually put a lot of thought into this beforehand and came to the conclusion it would actually break up the slow parts more than going by artist or album name). I had so much "fun" doing this, I decided to share the experience with all of you. What follows is not meant to be comprehensive. It's just a series of notes I compiled highlighting, by letter, the songs that left an impression. Because I was listening while doing other things, I'm sure I glossed over some good and bad songs while I wasn't paying attention. Further, because I was busy, many of these notes were written at the end of the day (or even a few days later), when I got around to it, so I'm sure I'm forgetting things that see